Never Let Your Neighbors Set You Up - Francesca

I live in a condo, and I chose to do so in order to maintain a sense of community with my neighbors. This has not been the case, as I really only exchange pleasantries with one neighbor, a nice older-but-not-too-old couple across the hall. They're crazy and loud, so it shocks me I get along with them. Ever since I became single a couple years ago, they've been telling me they want to introduce me to their friend. Now, the male half of the couple is a painter. I've seen some of the guys he works with come and go. They're young, and pretty cute, so I have never tried to discourage them that much.

Coming home from the grocery store, I bump into Shawn, and he invites me to have some beers by the pool...I run on over. A few beers in, we decide to switch to some harder stuff and go back to his place, where he calls his friend Mike, the guy who has wanted to meet me for months. Granted, I'm a few drinks in, with the promise of nachos, so I stick around and am looking forward to it. At least, until about two minutes before Mike comes in. At this point, my neighbors tell me that he isn't the "stereotypical attractive guy", but "he makes a lot of money!" Word of warning...when these descriptions precede someone, run.

Mike walks in, and I swear he is my father's age. I was wrong...he was 2 years younger. The best way to describe him is a marionette...he was lanky, and looked like he moved by having the strings attached to his hands and feet jerked around. To make things even better, after he walked in, my neighbors suddenly had "money issues to discuss in the other room", but suggested I show him my place. I grab the bottle of vodka on my way out...payment for the situation.

I go to my place, and turn on video games. I figure he'll smarten up and make it easy on me...I mean, I've had a few drinks, and I'm not good at subtlety sober, so I'm trying not to say anything. But he doesn't get the hint...he keeps talking and talking. He touches on the fact that he has a son, and asks if it bothers me. I ask the kid's age, at which point he tells me he's 19. I can't do the nice thing much longer, so I look at the guy and tell him "Point blank, I'd rather do your son than you." This is funny, so he just laughs, and moves in to kiss me. I then shove him away, telling him to leave. He asks to hang a bit longer, just to finish his beer. Nah, dude, take it with you. Relations with the neighbors have been strained since.

Moral of the story: neighbors and dating don't mix.