First, I would like to apologize for the lack of postings as late. I did the unthinkable...I started dating someone exclusively, and shock among shocks, it hasn't been blogworthy yet. Until this weekend.
The boy took me out for my birthday, a fun night that ended at my usual bar to see some punk rock bands. Since this is my regular hangout, I know many people there. This is the reason I've tried to never hook up with anyone from that bar...with the exception of one person (see http://horribledatingstories.blogspot.com/2008/08/dumber-than-door-francesca.html). I'm a pretty cool person, and feel like I can interact with most people I've dated (or whatever) after the fact. I mean, we're all adults, so it's not tough, right? I guess this does not apply to people who are outsmarted by doors.
Hanging at the bar, I saw some people I knew, so I went over to talk to them and to introduce the new guy. In the middle of the conversation, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder...it was Josh, the dumb guy. I brought him into the conversation, and to prevent any miscommunication, made sure to introduce my boyfriend by title. Things went well, and we went to get another drink. On the way to the bar, I informed said boy about who Josh was (he has heard many blog stories), and it was funny. The night was going well, no awkwardness...things are good, right?
Wrong. Josh started following the group we were with until he became part of the conversation...which is fine. At a lull in the conversation, in front of the boy, he asked me when we could hook up again. My repeated statements of being off the market (told him four times) finally sunk in...until he started asking if I had friends. Now, I mean, the guy is hot, but my friends do have some standards (conversation skills and being taller than 5'8" being among them). I tried to brush him off, and thought I'd succeeded when we left for the night.
Again, I should never assume these things. It looks like Josh took a page from the texting stalker's book and started blowing up my phone asking first for a time to hang out, then the numbers of my friends. Listen...desperation is not an attractive quality. He would have no problem finding a girl to have fun with, as long as she was short and he didn't talk... Yet another person entered into the "Ignore" name on the phone.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
What Kind of Movie Star? - Francesca
So, I came across another winner. He seemed pretty boring, actually...an accountant, kind of shy, quiet...but hey, dinner is dinner. And he was employed and could form sentences, so that was a step up from some recent dates. Kevin wasn't an unattractive guy, either. Not hot, but not hideous...he seemed like a fairly normal middle-of-the-road guy.
I should have known the night was going downhill fast, when, upon my arrival, he thanked me profusely for taking time out of my busy schedule to meet with him. For twenty minutes. It went from kind of nice to pretty annoying quickly. I tried to steer the conversation a bit more...I mean, he is an accountant and shy, so I didn't expect him to be wild and crazy. I knew he had a high chance of falling into the "socially awkward" category.
The evening was bumpy and uncomfortable, and I talked for a majority of the night. I tried to get more information out of him, as I was starting to run out of stories that made me out to be the crazy world traveller. After some prodding, he began to talk about a job he had during college. He had seen some ads for auditions for a film. He figured it was some student film, and thought it would be fun to check out. When he arrived...it was a different kind of film. Of the free Internet site variety. He "acted" in four movies, collected his $1000 and left.
Now, I'm an open person, and accept all types of people and pasts. I wasn't so upset about the fact that I was on a date with a former low-grade porn star...just disappointed he was so boring! I just couldn't bring myself to deal with him after that beer...he ruined my perception of porn stars forever.
I should have known the night was going downhill fast, when, upon my arrival, he thanked me profusely for taking time out of my busy schedule to meet with him. For twenty minutes. It went from kind of nice to pretty annoying quickly. I tried to steer the conversation a bit more...I mean, he is an accountant and shy, so I didn't expect him to be wild and crazy. I knew he had a high chance of falling into the "socially awkward" category.
The evening was bumpy and uncomfortable, and I talked for a majority of the night. I tried to get more information out of him, as I was starting to run out of stories that made me out to be the crazy world traveller. After some prodding, he began to talk about a job he had during college. He had seen some ads for auditions for a film. He figured it was some student film, and thought it would be fun to check out. When he arrived...it was a different kind of film. Of the free Internet site variety. He "acted" in four movies, collected his $1000 and left.
Now, I'm an open person, and accept all types of people and pasts. I wasn't so upset about the fact that I was on a date with a former low-grade porn star...just disappointed he was so boring! I just couldn't bring myself to deal with him after that beer...he ruined my perception of porn stars forever.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Dumber than the Door - Francesca
I met a guy at the usual bar I go to, and he was striking. I mean, really, just totally hot. Shockingly attractive. Sure, for most of our conversations, all he could talk about was his workout regime (he works out three hours a day, seven days a week, and it SHOWS), but I had a movie-like aura wash over me, where I just stared at him and didn't hear anything he said. Sure, he's not a genius, but he also should never have to wear a shirt. We've hung out a few times, so I thought it'd be a nice end to the day to hang out with him after work one day. We'd agreed that he would meet me at my place around 6:30. I was working around my house, and looked up to realize it was 7:30. I gave him a call to see if I'd confused the day we were supposed to meet. Here is the conversation that followed.
Me: Hey, weren't we supposed to hang out tonight?
Josh (yes, I should know better): I tried.
Me: What do you mean?
J: I came by, but couldn't get in.
**I would like to point out here that the following conversation may have been forgivable had he not been to my house three times already. Background information: I live in an apartment building with buzzers to get in**
Me: What do you mean?
J: The door was locked.
Me: Yes, you need a key to get in that door-you were just here last weekend, remember?
J: Well, I knocked, and no one answered.
Me: Yeah, it's a door to the hallway-no one would answer.
J: Oh.
Me: Why didn't you call me? I would have let you in.
J: I totally forgot my phone at the gym
Me: OK...why didn't you go to the front to use the buzzer?
J: You have a buzzer for the building?
Me: It's cool, next time, just bring your phone and call me when you get here.
J: I think I saw you in your apartment when I came, but I didn't know how to get your attention.
Me: Really? I live on the first floor. With windows immediately next to the door you were knocking on. With open windows. Why didn't you call out, or knock on those?
J: Wow...that would have been a good idea. Still want to hang out?
Me: You know what? I'm good now.
Seriously, if you can't make it past the door, there is really nothing that you can offer me. No matter how incredibly hot...so...hot...he is.
Me: Hey, weren't we supposed to hang out tonight?
Josh (yes, I should know better): I tried.
Me: What do you mean?
J: I came by, but couldn't get in.
**I would like to point out here that the following conversation may have been forgivable had he not been to my house three times already. Background information: I live in an apartment building with buzzers to get in**
Me: What do you mean?
J: The door was locked.
Me: Yes, you need a key to get in that door-you were just here last weekend, remember?
J: Well, I knocked, and no one answered.
Me: Yeah, it's a door to the hallway-no one would answer.
J: Oh.
Me: Why didn't you call me? I would have let you in.
J: I totally forgot my phone at the gym
Me: OK...why didn't you go to the front to use the buzzer?
J: You have a buzzer for the building?
Me: It's cool, next time, just bring your phone and call me when you get here.
J: I think I saw you in your apartment when I came, but I didn't know how to get your attention.
Me: Really? I live on the first floor. With windows immediately next to the door you were knocking on. With open windows. Why didn't you call out, or knock on those?
J: Wow...that would have been a good idea. Still want to hang out?
Me: You know what? I'm good now.
Seriously, if you can't make it past the door, there is really nothing that you can offer me. No matter how incredibly hot...so...hot...he is.
Monday, July 14, 2008
Post Breakup WIN - Francesca
Last summer, I met a cute writer/teacher Garrett. He was also known as the Glow Stick Impresario (only by me), since his grandfather invented the stuff. Things were going well; we had a lot of fun together and had similar tastes in music and boozing. We hung out for a couple months, and had some fun times ranging from a long adventure to a non-party in Connecticut (total shenanigans) to him holding my hand through my latest tattoo to a Beastie Boys concert to many a late night drinking together. One night in particular stuck out...we'd been hanging out drinking Captain Morgan Mango Rum (DELICIOUS), and it was about 3 am on a Wednesday. We decided at that point, we should become official and exclusive. I was pretty excited...this was a guy I actually liked...one of the first I'd liked in awhile. He went home the next morning, and I enjoyed a random vacation day. That was the last I heard from him. He suddenly no longer answered his phone or email. With my fleeting attention span, the sadness of the "breakup" lasted about 2 days. I heard from him briefly a few weeks later, saying he was busy, but would get back to me. I deleted his number after that call.
Fast forward one year. I'm hanging at my usual haunt, drinking beers and talking to the crowd...oddly, I don't know anyone's name or number, we all just recognize each other in the outdoor area...but that's totally unrelated. I see a familiar face across the bar, and go to say hi, realizing as I get closer, it's the cousin and cousin's fiancee of Garrett. We got along well when I first met them, so I caught up with them. Eventually, my disappearance at cookouts and bar nights was explained. Apparently, Garrett had gone for a brief stint in rehab (3 days), then went on to teach at a high school he couldn't stand, so after the school year was over, he quit and moved back in with his parents. I was suddenly MUCH more okay with the fact that I was no longer spending time with this guy. I bid my farewells, and went off in search of another juicy PBR.
On my way to the bar, someone grabbed my arm. I didn't recognize the person at first...until he mentioned Tim...it clicked. This is Garrett. Wow...he totally looked like someone who had spent three days in rehab, worked for a year at a place he hated and was now unemployed and living with his parents. That, and about 70 pounds heavier. We had the obligatory "how are you now" conversation, at which point I made the "save me" eye contact with my friend across the room. Okay, maybe I'm a bit superficial, but I totally reveled in the fact I won in the post-breakup world. And then I made it even worse by grabbing my friend when he came over to save me from the conversation, putting my arm around him, and telling him we had to get back home. Whatever...I still won.
Fast forward one year. I'm hanging at my usual haunt, drinking beers and talking to the crowd...oddly, I don't know anyone's name or number, we all just recognize each other in the outdoor area...but that's totally unrelated. I see a familiar face across the bar, and go to say hi, realizing as I get closer, it's the cousin and cousin's fiancee of Garrett. We got along well when I first met them, so I caught up with them. Eventually, my disappearance at cookouts and bar nights was explained. Apparently, Garrett had gone for a brief stint in rehab (3 days), then went on to teach at a high school he couldn't stand, so after the school year was over, he quit and moved back in with his parents. I was suddenly MUCH more okay with the fact that I was no longer spending time with this guy. I bid my farewells, and went off in search of another juicy PBR.
On my way to the bar, someone grabbed my arm. I didn't recognize the person at first...until he mentioned Tim...it clicked. This is Garrett. Wow...he totally looked like someone who had spent three days in rehab, worked for a year at a place he hated and was now unemployed and living with his parents. That, and about 70 pounds heavier. We had the obligatory "how are you now" conversation, at which point I made the "save me" eye contact with my friend across the room. Okay, maybe I'm a bit superficial, but I totally reveled in the fact I won in the post-breakup world. And then I made it even worse by grabbing my friend when he came over to save me from the conversation, putting my arm around him, and telling him we had to get back home. Whatever...I still won.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Never Let Your Neighbors Set You Up - Francesca
I live in a condo, and I chose to do so in order to maintain a sense of community with my neighbors. This has not been the case, as I really only exchange pleasantries with one neighbor, a nice older-but-not-too-old couple across the hall. They're crazy and loud, so it shocks me I get along with them. Ever since I became single a couple years ago, they've been telling me they want to introduce me to their friend. Now, the male half of the couple is a painter. I've seen some of the guys he works with come and go. They're young, and pretty cute, so I have never tried to discourage them that much.
Coming home from the grocery store, I bump into Shawn, and he invites me to have some beers by the pool...I run on over. A few beers in, we decide to switch to some harder stuff and go back to his place, where he calls his friend Mike, the guy who has wanted to meet me for months. Granted, I'm a few drinks in, with the promise of nachos, so I stick around and am looking forward to it. At least, until about two minutes before Mike comes in. At this point, my neighbors tell me that he isn't the "stereotypical attractive guy", but "he makes a lot of money!" Word of warning...when these descriptions precede someone, run.
Mike walks in, and I swear he is my father's age. I was wrong...he was 2 years younger. The best way to describe him is a marionette...he was lanky, and looked like he moved by having the strings attached to his hands and feet jerked around. To make things even better, after he walked in, my neighbors suddenly had "money issues to discuss in the other room", but suggested I show him my place. I grab the bottle of vodka on my way out...payment for the situation.
I go to my place, and turn on video games. I figure he'll smarten up and make it easy on me...I mean, I've had a few drinks, and I'm not good at subtlety sober, so I'm trying not to say anything. But he doesn't get the hint...he keeps talking and talking. He touches on the fact that he has a son, and asks if it bothers me. I ask the kid's age, at which point he tells me he's 19. I can't do the nice thing much longer, so I look at the guy and tell him "Point blank, I'd rather do your son than you." This is funny, so he just laughs, and moves in to kiss me. I then shove him away, telling him to leave. He asks to hang a bit longer, just to finish his beer. Nah, dude, take it with you. Relations with the neighbors have been strained since.
Moral of the story: neighbors and dating don't mix.
Coming home from the grocery store, I bump into Shawn, and he invites me to have some beers by the pool...I run on over. A few beers in, we decide to switch to some harder stuff and go back to his place, where he calls his friend Mike, the guy who has wanted to meet me for months. Granted, I'm a few drinks in, with the promise of nachos, so I stick around and am looking forward to it. At least, until about two minutes before Mike comes in. At this point, my neighbors tell me that he isn't the "stereotypical attractive guy", but "he makes a lot of money!" Word of warning...when these descriptions precede someone, run.
Mike walks in, and I swear he is my father's age. I was wrong...he was 2 years younger. The best way to describe him is a marionette...he was lanky, and looked like he moved by having the strings attached to his hands and feet jerked around. To make things even better, after he walked in, my neighbors suddenly had "money issues to discuss in the other room", but suggested I show him my place. I grab the bottle of vodka on my way out...payment for the situation.
I go to my place, and turn on video games. I figure he'll smarten up and make it easy on me...I mean, I've had a few drinks, and I'm not good at subtlety sober, so I'm trying not to say anything. But he doesn't get the hint...he keeps talking and talking. He touches on the fact that he has a son, and asks if it bothers me. I ask the kid's age, at which point he tells me he's 19. I can't do the nice thing much longer, so I look at the guy and tell him "Point blank, I'd rather do your son than you." This is funny, so he just laughs, and moves in to kiss me. I then shove him away, telling him to leave. He asks to hang a bit longer, just to finish his beer. Nah, dude, take it with you. Relations with the neighbors have been strained since.
Moral of the story: neighbors and dating don't mix.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Background Checks are a GOOD Idea - Francesca
We all know my thoughts on younger guys...I'm dying to become a cougar one day, and I do love the company of an adorable young 20-something. So, when I got an email from Ryan, I thought he had potential. He was cute. Plus, his photo was in the Polaroid style, which I just think is fun and cute. He was 23, and seemed pretty funny. I'd talked to him, and hadn't scared him away, either....another bonus. The clincher-he lived in Cape Cod...far enough away to keep it casual, but also-killer place to hang now that summer is coming.
We met up one afternoon in Boston, and had one of the best dates I've ever had. We met for coffee, talked about music, got to know each other a bit, laughed...then walked around the city, got ice cream and went record shopping, where he found me records of all the obscure bands I'd mentioned. Seriously...it was awesome. I was actually pretty excited...and when I started getting the text messages letting me know he was thinking about me...it wasn't creepy, it was cute.
As Ryan and I hung out more, we got to know more about each other...but I noticed he wasn't as key on talking about himself. I started to ask him questions about if he'd been to college, what jobs he'd held...just to get an idea on where this cute guy was coming from, trying to find the faults before I really started to like him. That's when he dropped the bomb on me. I had jokingly asked if he was a felon (not sure how that can be a joke, but at the time it really was)...and he got kind of quiet. He looked at me, and told me that he was at the point where I would stop liking him when he told me about him. Now, I've had some crazy dates, so I felt prepared. He told me that he is currently on probation. For a felony. And he's a sex offender. For having sex knowingly with a 15-year-old when he was 21. Okay...maybe I'm jaded...but I wasn't that disturbed. Yes, I know, not the guy to bring home to the parents, but he was pretty hot...and then he got a bit more interesting. He then went into his obsession with BDSM, and how he really liked me and all he wanted to do was punch me in the face. Hmm...I think we passed the line back there. Thankfully, he lives so far away, and has to keep an early curfew for parole...NEXT!
We met up one afternoon in Boston, and had one of the best dates I've ever had. We met for coffee, talked about music, got to know each other a bit, laughed...then walked around the city, got ice cream and went record shopping, where he found me records of all the obscure bands I'd mentioned. Seriously...it was awesome. I was actually pretty excited...and when I started getting the text messages letting me know he was thinking about me...it wasn't creepy, it was cute.
As Ryan and I hung out more, we got to know more about each other...but I noticed he wasn't as key on talking about himself. I started to ask him questions about if he'd been to college, what jobs he'd held...just to get an idea on where this cute guy was coming from, trying to find the faults before I really started to like him. That's when he dropped the bomb on me. I had jokingly asked if he was a felon (not sure how that can be a joke, but at the time it really was)...and he got kind of quiet. He looked at me, and told me that he was at the point where I would stop liking him when he told me about him. Now, I've had some crazy dates, so I felt prepared. He told me that he is currently on probation. For a felony. And he's a sex offender. For having sex knowingly with a 15-year-old when he was 21. Okay...maybe I'm jaded...but I wasn't that disturbed. Yes, I know, not the guy to bring home to the parents, but he was pretty hot...and then he got a bit more interesting. He then went into his obsession with BDSM, and how he really liked me and all he wanted to do was punch me in the face. Hmm...I think we passed the line back there. Thankfully, he lives so far away, and has to keep an early curfew for parole...NEXT!
Friday, April 25, 2008
Keeping it in the family?-Natasha
So, first off i'm sorry that I have contributed in awhile, life has been so crazy that there wasn't much time for dating.
Well, now that it's spring and the flowers have started blooming, I decide it was time to make some room for members of the opposite sex (gay friends excluded) I was convinced by a friend to try Match.com. Needless to say, I was skeptical at first that it would just be the same run of the mill weirdo's as any bar or club, but within a few days I started exhange emails with a few guys. One named Chris that seemed to really have his life together, 33, owned his own electrical company, home, motocycle and car. :) We even had similar interests in music and sports. The other ,was this guy Ricky who seemed like more of the bad boy type. (Which is usually what i'm drawn to) 27 tall ,and working as an electrician, and I thought to myself, "How weird is it that they both are electricians"
After a few conversations with the "badboy" he went MIA for a few days, I just figured that he met someone or lost interest. I began talking to Chris more and more. One night we were on the phone until 2am without any weird awkward silences. The next night it was till 12:30am until my eyes were tearing from laughter and lack of sleep. I decided it was time for us to meet because I never like talking on the phone that much.
Plans were made to hang out the next night. We got dinner and a drink and then decided to go watch a movie at my house,he brought a few with him incase we were both tired (more like in case I decided to sleep with him, and for the record I didn't) We also talked about the usual stuff like, why we decided to try online dating and how long we had been on it. I mentioned I had only been on the site for a few weeks, and that he was the only one I had actully communicated with outside of email, but that I did email back and forth with a few people and exchanged numbers, but they never called.
So, while we were watching the movie we talked even more about life, and personal realtionships i.e. ex's and annoying family members and he mentioned how he had to fire his cousin the day before, because he wasn't doing his work and borrowing money all the time. Apparently his cousin Ricky was spending work time at the bar trying to hit on chicks and Chris found out because his cousin was stupid enough to call him from this place called Kegglers Den... (super dive bar)
Anyway, the next day at work i'm sitting at work when out of the blue I get a text from this random number. The message says "How's work going" I reply "good. you? who is this?" The reply, "I can't complain, work was slow, so I took the week off" "I again reply with "Who is this" the response "Its Ricky Martin" OMFG the light finally comes on. Ricky is Chris' scumbag cousin.
Needless to say I didn't respond to Ricky's text and when I told Chris that one of the other people who messaged me online was his cousin, he mentioned he wasn't surprised because his cousin and him have the same taste, but the situation was really weird. He even emailed me saying that he was done with Match for good... it was just to strange. I agreed, what are the odds that the only people I had a connection with from the stupid site are cousins....
Chris and I hung out one more time, but it was never quite the same, there was always this weird feeling, I almost felt like I cheated or something by talking to Ricky even though, I hadn't even met Chris yet... It was weird.
Note to self-remember to cancel match.com membership
Well, now that it's spring and the flowers have started blooming, I decide it was time to make some room for members of the opposite sex (gay friends excluded) I was convinced by a friend to try Match.com. Needless to say, I was skeptical at first that it would just be the same run of the mill weirdo's as any bar or club, but within a few days I started exhange emails with a few guys. One named Chris that seemed to really have his life together, 33, owned his own electrical company, home, motocycle and car. :) We even had similar interests in music and sports. The other ,was this guy Ricky who seemed like more of the bad boy type. (Which is usually what i'm drawn to) 27 tall ,and working as an electrician, and I thought to myself, "How weird is it that they both are electricians"
After a few conversations with the "badboy" he went MIA for a few days, I just figured that he met someone or lost interest. I began talking to Chris more and more. One night we were on the phone until 2am without any weird awkward silences. The next night it was till 12:30am until my eyes were tearing from laughter and lack of sleep. I decided it was time for us to meet because I never like talking on the phone that much.
Plans were made to hang out the next night. We got dinner and a drink and then decided to go watch a movie at my house,he brought a few with him incase we were both tired (more like in case I decided to sleep with him, and for the record I didn't) We also talked about the usual stuff like, why we decided to try online dating and how long we had been on it. I mentioned I had only been on the site for a few weeks, and that he was the only one I had actully communicated with outside of email, but that I did email back and forth with a few people and exchanged numbers, but they never called.
So, while we were watching the movie we talked even more about life, and personal realtionships i.e. ex's and annoying family members and he mentioned how he had to fire his cousin the day before, because he wasn't doing his work and borrowing money all the time. Apparently his cousin Ricky was spending work time at the bar trying to hit on chicks and Chris found out because his cousin was stupid enough to call him from this place called Kegglers Den... (super dive bar)
Anyway, the next day at work i'm sitting at work when out of the blue I get a text from this random number. The message says "How's work going" I reply "good. you? who is this?" The reply, "I can't complain, work was slow, so I took the week off" "I again reply with "Who is this" the response "Its Ricky Martin" OMFG the light finally comes on. Ricky is Chris' scumbag cousin.
Needless to say I didn't respond to Ricky's text and when I told Chris that one of the other people who messaged me online was his cousin, he mentioned he wasn't surprised because his cousin and him have the same taste, but the situation was really weird. He even emailed me saying that he was done with Match for good... it was just to strange. I agreed, what are the odds that the only people I had a connection with from the stupid site are cousins....
Chris and I hung out one more time, but it was never quite the same, there was always this weird feeling, I almost felt like I cheated or something by talking to Ricky even though, I hadn't even met Chris yet... It was weird.
Note to self-remember to cancel match.com membership
First Strike - Francesca
Well, I think I got a taste of my own medicine. After months...wait...no...years of superiority of dates and judging them quickly, I finally got someone who hit first. I'm not exactly "picky" when it comes to who I'll go on a first date with. I'd like to think I'm picky with who I actually end up with, but many disagree....but that's another story entirely.
Anyway, I was shocked to meet Jimmy. He seemed interesting enough...kind of funny, really into music and travelling...on paper, he was great. My biggest reservation was that his photo has the d-bag tag...the vertical soul patch of a goatee...but whatever...a beer is just a beer, right? Well, as great as he seemed on paper...in person...wow. Okay, so his conversational skills were slightly lacking, and he had a lot of hangups about his ex...but man, was he gorgeous. Half sleeve tattoos, totally muscular, and he'd shaved the strip of hair that implied he was a douche. This is the kind of person that when you look at them, you kind of lose the ability to think rationally, and all you want to do is see them without the skintight tshirt. The kind of guy that takes me back to my dating skills of high school...nervous, scared, insecure...but man. He was hot. This date was two weeks ago, and I still drool a little when I think of just how hot he was. This is the kind of hotness that excuses the fact that he couldn't stop talking about his band from a decade ago, all of his 21-year-old ex girlfriends and his Jeep. I mean, the guy was 36, and looked 25. I am still losing a bit of control just thinking of him....wow. Anyway.
So, yeah, we hang, have a couple beers, talk...and I realize I'm so far out of my league. He's only into the tiny, blond and petite girls that get jobs as shot girls at bars. And I didn't care. All I knew was, I was on a date with the prettiest man I'd met online. It was that moment where I realized just how shallow I can be in the short term. I didn't care about his fairly obvious personality flaws...I just wanted more of him. I didn't care that he held the polar opposite views from me...all I cared about was that he was beautiful.
The thing that really gets me...I let him have the first right of refusal. Ordinarily, when I see someone as completely wrong for me as Jimmy, I cut out pretty early. I stick around just long enough to have a funny story to tell my friends...but...no. I let him have the joy of rejection. Within minutes, I'm guessing, I was listed in his phone as "Ignore" and he de-buddy listed me. It's cool. I do it all the time. But I was so blinded by his beauty that I was willing to let pretty much anything else go by. I finally understood how the guys I have been going on dates with feel, sitting across from someone they think is super hot, refusing to accept that they have nothing in common with that person...I could be totally wrong, but judging on my experience, I'm not that far off.
But I will live long into my cougar years remembering his beauty...man...was he hot. It's okay, darling, you don't have to talk. You can just sit there and be beautiful. *Sigh*
Anyway, I was shocked to meet Jimmy. He seemed interesting enough...kind of funny, really into music and travelling...on paper, he was great. My biggest reservation was that his photo has the d-bag tag...the vertical soul patch of a goatee...but whatever...a beer is just a beer, right? Well, as great as he seemed on paper...in person...wow. Okay, so his conversational skills were slightly lacking, and he had a lot of hangups about his ex...but man, was he gorgeous. Half sleeve tattoos, totally muscular, and he'd shaved the strip of hair that implied he was a douche. This is the kind of person that when you look at them, you kind of lose the ability to think rationally, and all you want to do is see them without the skintight tshirt. The kind of guy that takes me back to my dating skills of high school...nervous, scared, insecure...but man. He was hot. This date was two weeks ago, and I still drool a little when I think of just how hot he was. This is the kind of hotness that excuses the fact that he couldn't stop talking about his band from a decade ago, all of his 21-year-old ex girlfriends and his Jeep. I mean, the guy was 36, and looked 25. I am still losing a bit of control just thinking of him....wow. Anyway.
So, yeah, we hang, have a couple beers, talk...and I realize I'm so far out of my league. He's only into the tiny, blond and petite girls that get jobs as shot girls at bars. And I didn't care. All I knew was, I was on a date with the prettiest man I'd met online. It was that moment where I realized just how shallow I can be in the short term. I didn't care about his fairly obvious personality flaws...I just wanted more of him. I didn't care that he held the polar opposite views from me...all I cared about was that he was beautiful.
The thing that really gets me...I let him have the first right of refusal. Ordinarily, when I see someone as completely wrong for me as Jimmy, I cut out pretty early. I stick around just long enough to have a funny story to tell my friends...but...no. I let him have the joy of rejection. Within minutes, I'm guessing, I was listed in his phone as "Ignore" and he de-buddy listed me. It's cool. I do it all the time. But I was so blinded by his beauty that I was willing to let pretty much anything else go by. I finally understood how the guys I have been going on dates with feel, sitting across from someone they think is super hot, refusing to accept that they have nothing in common with that person...I could be totally wrong, but judging on my experience, I'm not that far off.
But I will live long into my cougar years remembering his beauty...man...was he hot. It's okay, darling, you don't have to talk. You can just sit there and be beautiful. *Sigh*
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Horrible Flashback - Francesca
This post would be completely unnecessary if people followed the following rules for casual dating, Internet style.
1. If you aren't into the other person-be up front about it. We all have different things we are into, and different things that we aren't into. You can click with someone via text, email or IM, but in person realize they are a transgendered midget, which is something you just can't align into your turnon column. That's fine....we all have our quirks, and I don't expect everyone to think I'm the cat's meow...this is the online dating age...let's not waste each other's time.
2. If you don't talk to someone for awhile, delete their number. I'm afflicted with ADD, and don't treat it with medicine. Therefore, I have a ridiculously short attention span. This translates to dating-you gotta keep my attention, or you're cast aside. I clear out my phone every other week to remove people I'm no longer talking to. (Seriously, around here, there are a million Ryans, Joes, and Anthonys...I can't keep my phone book straight). I think it's fair to assume that after a couple months, the opportunity has left the building, especially if rule #1 was followed.
3. I think this is the most important. If the other person is not into you, let it go. Don't assault them with questions why, don't try to convince them otherwise, don't promise to change. Seriously, if you have to change this much for a person you hardly know if you like, you have a lot of issues.
This brings me to last night. I was kicking back on the last night of date-free week (also known as my mom was in town), watching the benign Deal or No Deal and planning the rest of my week with potential dates. As I mentioned, mom was in town, so texting was the modis operandi.
Suddenly, I get a text from a number I don't recognize...after a bit of back and forth, I realize it's Tomas. The guy from a year ago that sent me about 500 text messages in 3 days and was a total douche. The one I was so happy to be rid of. The one who, like the ninja, refuses to go away...seriously...as soon as you think you're in the clear, he just pops out. This is how the conversation went:
Him: How have you been?
Me: Who is this?
Him: So, have you been well?
Me: Who is this?
Him: This is Tom...from Worcester
Me: How do I know you?
Him: I think we hung out like a yr ago...just found ur number and figure id see how u were (**Aside-I HATE text speak. I have one of those full keyboard phones, so I could be off the mark, but seriously? We're not 14. Spell the freaking words)
Me: Oh, you.
Him: I think I acted as a jerk a little...sorry
Me: A little? You were pretty bad
Him: Lol ya...I remmeber being buzzed and being rude
Me: I was pretty clear...I am not interested.
Him: Life's a lil diff now...didn't know if u wanted to grab a drink sometime...if ur single
Me: I am single...but you aren't what I was looking for then or now.
Him: Are you sure? You are missing out.
Okay...seriously? A year later? I followed Rule 1. He broke all the others. I don't know if it's my overly wide net for dating people (I'm a girl...a free beer is still a free beer) or if I let things get this bad to entertain others, but moments like this make me scream. If this is nothing but a public service announcement for others, please, understand, we only heckle you and get annoyed...these are not good associations. Oh well, on to more dates with new people...it can only get more interesting.
1. If you aren't into the other person-be up front about it. We all have different things we are into, and different things that we aren't into. You can click with someone via text, email or IM, but in person realize they are a transgendered midget, which is something you just can't align into your turnon column. That's fine....we all have our quirks, and I don't expect everyone to think I'm the cat's meow...this is the online dating age...let's not waste each other's time.
2. If you don't talk to someone for awhile, delete their number. I'm afflicted with ADD, and don't treat it with medicine. Therefore, I have a ridiculously short attention span. This translates to dating-you gotta keep my attention, or you're cast aside. I clear out my phone every other week to remove people I'm no longer talking to. (Seriously, around here, there are a million Ryans, Joes, and Anthonys...I can't keep my phone book straight). I think it's fair to assume that after a couple months, the opportunity has left the building, especially if rule #1 was followed.
3. I think this is the most important. If the other person is not into you, let it go. Don't assault them with questions why, don't try to convince them otherwise, don't promise to change. Seriously, if you have to change this much for a person you hardly know if you like, you have a lot of issues.
This brings me to last night. I was kicking back on the last night of date-free week (also known as my mom was in town), watching the benign Deal or No Deal and planning the rest of my week with potential dates. As I mentioned, mom was in town, so texting was the modis operandi.
Suddenly, I get a text from a number I don't recognize...after a bit of back and forth, I realize it's Tomas. The guy from a year ago that sent me about 500 text messages in 3 days and was a total douche. The one I was so happy to be rid of. The one who, like the ninja, refuses to go away...seriously...as soon as you think you're in the clear, he just pops out. This is how the conversation went:
Him: How have you been?
Me: Who is this?
Him: So, have you been well?
Me: Who is this?
Him: This is Tom...from Worcester
Me: How do I know you?
Him: I think we hung out like a yr ago...just found ur number and figure id see how u were (**Aside-I HATE text speak. I have one of those full keyboard phones, so I could be off the mark, but seriously? We're not 14. Spell the freaking words)
Me: Oh, you.
Him: I think I acted as a jerk a little...sorry
Me: A little? You were pretty bad
Him: Lol ya...I remmeber being buzzed and being rude
Me: I was pretty clear...I am not interested.
Him: Life's a lil diff now...didn't know if u wanted to grab a drink sometime...if ur single
Me: I am single...but you aren't what I was looking for then or now.
Him: Are you sure? You are missing out.
Okay...seriously? A year later? I followed Rule 1. He broke all the others. I don't know if it's my overly wide net for dating people (I'm a girl...a free beer is still a free beer) or if I let things get this bad to entertain others, but moments like this make me scream. If this is nothing but a public service announcement for others, please, understand, we only heckle you and get annoyed...these are not good associations. Oh well, on to more dates with new people...it can only get more interesting.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Scat Cat? - Francesca
***As an aside, I would like to thank the Cru Jones Society for their continued support and heckling of our terrible dates. If you want to see their commentaries about everything outside of dating (and they are much funnier), go to http://crujonessociety.com/***
So, after a stint in relationship land, I've decided to hit the market again. Now, I feel like I've exhausted my usual haunt of Craig's List, so I branch out to some other markets, namely Hot or Not. Yes, this is a dating site that doubles as a time waster. And I get to see how hot I am (6.7, but I think it's skewed). I start talking to a somewhat nice looking guy that seems interesting, and the normal things happen...we IM, we talk, we agree to meet. Our first date is pretty innocuous...we meet at a movie theatre minutes before the film, then I leave right after. No talking, no disappointment...actually, with my track record, this is the best first date I've had in awhile. If only it could have stayed there.
A few days later, I agree to meet Chad again...we decide to hang out and watch a movie in. I head over to his house, and it's not bad. The place is clean, doesn't smell, and is fairly nice for a dude living with a couple of roommates. I am eased into a state of complacency...I am no longer on guard. Lesson, ladies, NEVER fall off guard with people you have just started hanging out with or dating...you tend to let yourself fall into very awkward situations. Anyway, we were talking and hanging out before we decided which movie to watch...and the inevitable question of "what are you into" came up. Silly me, I was expecting movies, music...the usual. But he says he's into funny videos. "Oh, like on YouTube?" I question. Oh, no. That would be normal and fine. And I don't do normal and fine, apparently. He tries to explain...but he's not finding the words, so he offers to show me. Luckily, he has his computer hooked up to his large television in his living room. He navigates to a web page, and all of a sudden, the screen is filled with the image of a kitten. It isn't the standard picture of a cat, though...there's something all over it...something....no, it couldn't be. People don't like this kind of thing in reality. But yes, it is a cat, covered in shit. He's into scat. With animals. I turn to look at him with horror in my eyes...I mean, I'm pretty open minded, but I guess even I have limits. He has a sparkle in his eye and a smile as he looks at the photo. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Dear lord, I am doomed, but the rest of the world can revel in my dating misery.
So, after a stint in relationship land, I've decided to hit the market again. Now, I feel like I've exhausted my usual haunt of Craig's List, so I branch out to some other markets, namely Hot or Not. Yes, this is a dating site that doubles as a time waster. And I get to see how hot I am (6.7, but I think it's skewed). I start talking to a somewhat nice looking guy that seems interesting, and the normal things happen...we IM, we talk, we agree to meet. Our first date is pretty innocuous...we meet at a movie theatre minutes before the film, then I leave right after. No talking, no disappointment...actually, with my track record, this is the best first date I've had in awhile. If only it could have stayed there.
A few days later, I agree to meet Chad again...we decide to hang out and watch a movie in. I head over to his house, and it's not bad. The place is clean, doesn't smell, and is fairly nice for a dude living with a couple of roommates. I am eased into a state of complacency...I am no longer on guard. Lesson, ladies, NEVER fall off guard with people you have just started hanging out with or dating...you tend to let yourself fall into very awkward situations. Anyway, we were talking and hanging out before we decided which movie to watch...and the inevitable question of "what are you into" came up. Silly me, I was expecting movies, music...the usual. But he says he's into funny videos. "Oh, like on YouTube?" I question. Oh, no. That would be normal and fine. And I don't do normal and fine, apparently. He tries to explain...but he's not finding the words, so he offers to show me. Luckily, he has his computer hooked up to his large television in his living room. He navigates to a web page, and all of a sudden, the screen is filled with the image of a kitten. It isn't the standard picture of a cat, though...there's something all over it...something....no, it couldn't be. People don't like this kind of thing in reality. But yes, it is a cat, covered in shit. He's into scat. With animals. I turn to look at him with horror in my eyes...I mean, I'm pretty open minded, but I guess even I have limits. He has a sparkle in his eye and a smile as he looks at the photo. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Dear lord, I am doomed, but the rest of the world can revel in my dating misery.
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