Anniversary Present - Francesca

I do have to apologize for the lack of posts, but Natasha and myself have been trying out the exclusive relationship path. Recently, I had my one year anniversary...I was out of the country travelling on the exact day, but the boy and I had planned to spend the next weekend together to celebrate. All was great...I created a nice photo album of our year together, and we were going to go exploring the area. Plans started to fall through, though. The places we wanted to see were closed for the season, so he proposed another idea-getting a tattoo. While I do love tattoos, I am pretty picky about getting them, and I'd just had one done a couple weeks before. He seemed hurt, but we planned a day out of movies and dinner. All was going well, until he decided to give me my anniversary present-my freedom. He was planning the breakup as part of the "celebration", which only begs the question-how would a tattoo at the start of that decision be a good idea? I was surprised, but, alas, it was my calling to come back to entertain all with my dating adventures. Brace yourself, men and readers alike, Francesca is back!

Etiquette when Bumping into an Ex

First, I would like to apologize for the lack of postings as late. I did the unthinkable...I started dating someone exclusively, and shock among shocks, it hasn't been blogworthy yet. Until this weekend.

The boy took me out for my birthday, a fun night that ended at my usual bar to see some punk rock bands. Since this is my regular hangout, I know many people there. This is the reason I've tried to never hook up with anyone from that bar...with the exception of one person (see http://horribledatingstories.blogspot.com/2008/08/dumber-than-door-francesca.html). I'm a pretty cool person, and feel like I can interact with most people I've dated (or whatever) after the fact. I mean, we're all adults, so it's not tough, right? I guess this does not apply to people who are outsmarted by doors.

Hanging at the bar, I saw some people I knew, so I went over to talk to them and to introduce the new guy. In the middle of the conversation, I felt someone tap me on the shoulder...it was Josh, the dumb guy. I brought him into the conversation, and to prevent any miscommunication, made sure to introduce my boyfriend by title. Things went well, and we went to get another drink. On the way to the bar, I informed said boy about who Josh was (he has heard many blog stories), and it was funny. The night was going well, no awkwardness...things are good, right?

Wrong. Josh started following the group we were with until he became part of the conversation...which is fine. At a lull in the conversation, in front of the boy, he asked me when we could hook up again. My repeated statements of being off the market (told him four times) finally sunk in...until he started asking if I had friends. Now, I mean, the guy is hot, but my friends do have some standards (conversation skills and being taller than 5'8" being among them). I tried to brush him off, and thought I'd succeeded when we left for the night.

Again, I should never assume these things. It looks like Josh took a page from the texting stalker's book and started blowing up my phone asking first for a time to hang out, then the numbers of my friends. Listen...desperation is not an attractive quality. He would have no problem finding a girl to have fun with, as long as she was short and he didn't talk... Yet another person entered into the "Ignore" name on the phone.

What Kind of Movie Star? - Francesca

So, I came across another winner. He seemed pretty boring, actually...an accountant, kind of shy, quiet...but hey, dinner is dinner. And he was employed and could form sentences, so that was a step up from some recent dates. Kevin wasn't an unattractive guy, either. Not hot, but not hideous...he seemed like a fairly normal middle-of-the-road guy.

I should have known the night was going downhill fast, when, upon my arrival, he thanked me profusely for taking time out of my busy schedule to meet with him. For twenty minutes. It went from kind of nice to pretty annoying quickly. I tried to steer the conversation a bit more...I mean, he is an accountant and shy, so I didn't expect him to be wild and crazy. I knew he had a high chance of falling into the "socially awkward" category.

The evening was bumpy and uncomfortable, and I talked for a majority of the night. I tried to get more information out of him, as I was starting to run out of stories that made me out to be the crazy world traveller. After some prodding, he began to talk about a job he had during college. He had seen some ads for auditions for a film. He figured it was some student film, and thought it would be fun to check out. When he arrived...it was a different kind of film. Of the free Internet site variety. He "acted" in four movies, collected his $1000 and left.

Now, I'm an open person, and accept all types of people and pasts. I wasn't so upset about the fact that I was on a date with a former low-grade porn star...just disappointed he was so boring! I just couldn't bring myself to deal with him after that beer...he ruined my perception of porn stars forever.

Dumber than the Door - Francesca

I met a guy at the usual bar I go to, and he was striking. I mean, really, just totally hot. Shockingly attractive. Sure, for most of our conversations, all he could talk about was his workout regime (he works out three hours a day, seven days a week, and it SHOWS), but I had a movie-like aura wash over me, where I just stared at him and didn't hear anything he said. Sure, he's not a genius, but he also should never have to wear a shirt. We've hung out a few times, so I thought it'd be a nice end to the day to hang out with him after work one day. We'd agreed that he would meet me at my place around 6:30. I was working around my house, and looked up to realize it was 7:30. I gave him a call to see if I'd confused the day we were supposed to meet. Here is the conversation that followed.

Me: Hey, weren't we supposed to hang out tonight?
Josh (yes, I should know better): I tried.
Me: What do you mean?
J: I came by, but couldn't get in.

**I would like to point out here that the following conversation may have been forgivable had he not been to my house three times already. Background information: I live in an apartment building with buzzers to get in**

Me: What do you mean?
J: The door was locked.
Me: Yes, you need a key to get in that door-you were just here last weekend, remember?
J: Well, I knocked, and no one answered.
Me: Yeah, it's a door to the hallway-no one would answer.
J: Oh.
Me: Why didn't you call me? I would have let you in.
J: I totally forgot my phone at the gym
Me: OK...why didn't you go to the front to use the buzzer?
J: You have a buzzer for the building?
Me: It's cool, next time, just bring your phone and call me when you get here.
J: I think I saw you in your apartment when I came, but I didn't know how to get your attention.
Me: Really? I live on the first floor. With windows immediately next to the door you were knocking on. With open windows. Why didn't you call out, or knock on those?
J: Wow...that would have been a good idea. Still want to hang out?
Me: You know what? I'm good now.

Seriously, if you can't make it past the door, there is really nothing that you can offer me. No matter how incredibly hot...so...hot...he is.

Post Breakup WIN - Francesca

Last summer, I met a cute writer/teacher Garrett. He was also known as the Glow Stick Impresario (only by me), since his grandfather invented the stuff. Things were going well; we had a lot of fun together and had similar tastes in music and boozing. We hung out for a couple months, and had some fun times ranging from a long adventure to a non-party in Connecticut (total shenanigans) to him holding my hand through my latest tattoo to a Beastie Boys concert to many a late night drinking together. One night in particular stuck out...we'd been hanging out drinking Captain Morgan Mango Rum (DELICIOUS), and it was about 3 am on a Wednesday. We decided at that point, we should become official and exclusive. I was pretty excited...this was a guy I actually liked...one of the first I'd liked in awhile. He went home the next morning, and I enjoyed a random vacation day. That was the last I heard from him. He suddenly no longer answered his phone or email. With my fleeting attention span, the sadness of the "breakup" lasted about 2 days. I heard from him briefly a few weeks later, saying he was busy, but would get back to me. I deleted his number after that call.

Fast forward one year. I'm hanging at my usual haunt, drinking beers and talking to the crowd...oddly, I don't know anyone's name or number, we all just recognize each other in the outdoor area...but that's totally unrelated. I see a familiar face across the bar, and go to say hi, realizing as I get closer, it's the cousin and cousin's fiancee of Garrett. We got along well when I first met them, so I caught up with them. Eventually, my disappearance at cookouts and bar nights was explained. Apparently, Garrett had gone for a brief stint in rehab (3 days), then went on to teach at a high school he couldn't stand, so after the school year was over, he quit and moved back in with his parents. I was suddenly MUCH more okay with the fact that I was no longer spending time with this guy. I bid my farewells, and went off in search of another juicy PBR.

On my way to the bar, someone grabbed my arm. I didn't recognize the person at first...until he mentioned Tim...it clicked. This is Garrett. Wow...he totally looked like someone who had spent three days in rehab, worked for a year at a place he hated and was now unemployed and living with his parents. That, and about 70 pounds heavier. We had the obligatory "how are you now" conversation, at which point I made the "save me" eye contact with my friend across the room. Okay, maybe I'm a bit superficial, but I totally reveled in the fact I won in the post-breakup world. And then I made it even worse by grabbing my friend when he came over to save me from the conversation, putting my arm around him, and telling him we had to get back home. Whatever...I still won.

Never Let Your Neighbors Set You Up - Francesca

I live in a condo, and I chose to do so in order to maintain a sense of community with my neighbors. This has not been the case, as I really only exchange pleasantries with one neighbor, a nice older-but-not-too-old couple across the hall. They're crazy and loud, so it shocks me I get along with them. Ever since I became single a couple years ago, they've been telling me they want to introduce me to their friend. Now, the male half of the couple is a painter. I've seen some of the guys he works with come and go. They're young, and pretty cute, so I have never tried to discourage them that much.

Coming home from the grocery store, I bump into Shawn, and he invites me to have some beers by the pool...I run on over. A few beers in, we decide to switch to some harder stuff and go back to his place, where he calls his friend Mike, the guy who has wanted to meet me for months. Granted, I'm a few drinks in, with the promise of nachos, so I stick around and am looking forward to it. At least, until about two minutes before Mike comes in. At this point, my neighbors tell me that he isn't the "stereotypical attractive guy", but "he makes a lot of money!" Word of warning...when these descriptions precede someone, run.

Mike walks in, and I swear he is my father's age. I was wrong...he was 2 years younger. The best way to describe him is a marionette...he was lanky, and looked like he moved by having the strings attached to his hands and feet jerked around. To make things even better, after he walked in, my neighbors suddenly had "money issues to discuss in the other room", but suggested I show him my place. I grab the bottle of vodka on my way out...payment for the situation.

I go to my place, and turn on video games. I figure he'll smarten up and make it easy on me...I mean, I've had a few drinks, and I'm not good at subtlety sober, so I'm trying not to say anything. But he doesn't get the hint...he keeps talking and talking. He touches on the fact that he has a son, and asks if it bothers me. I ask the kid's age, at which point he tells me he's 19. I can't do the nice thing much longer, so I look at the guy and tell him "Point blank, I'd rather do your son than you." This is funny, so he just laughs, and moves in to kiss me. I then shove him away, telling him to leave. He asks to hang a bit longer, just to finish his beer. Nah, dude, take it with you. Relations with the neighbors have been strained since.

Moral of the story: neighbors and dating don't mix.

Background Checks are a GOOD Idea - Francesca

We all know my thoughts on younger guys...I'm dying to become a cougar one day, and I do love the company of an adorable young 20-something. So, when I got an email from Ryan, I thought he had potential. He was cute. Plus, his photo was in the Polaroid style, which I just think is fun and cute. He was 23, and seemed pretty funny. I'd talked to him, and hadn't scared him away, either....another bonus. The clincher-he lived in Cape Cod...far enough away to keep it casual, but also-killer place to hang now that summer is coming.

We met up one afternoon in Boston, and had one of the best dates I've ever had. We met for coffee, talked about music, got to know each other a bit, laughed...then walked around the city, got ice cream and went record shopping, where he found me records of all the obscure bands I'd mentioned. Seriously...it was awesome. I was actually pretty excited...and when I started getting the text messages letting me know he was thinking about me...it wasn't creepy, it was cute.

As Ryan and I hung out more, we got to know more about each other...but I noticed he wasn't as key on talking about himself. I started to ask him questions about if he'd been to college, what jobs he'd held...just to get an idea on where this cute guy was coming from, trying to find the faults before I really started to like him. That's when he dropped the bomb on me. I had jokingly asked if he was a felon (not sure how that can be a joke, but at the time it really was)...and he got kind of quiet. He looked at me, and told me that he was at the point where I would stop liking him when he told me about him. Now, I've had some crazy dates, so I felt prepared. He told me that he is currently on probation. For a felony. And he's a sex offender. For having sex knowingly with a 15-year-old when he was 21. Okay...maybe I'm jaded...but I wasn't that disturbed. Yes, I know, not the guy to bring home to the parents, but he was pretty hot...and then he got a bit more interesting. He then went into his obsession with BDSM, and how he really liked me and all he wanted to do was punch me in the face. Hmm...I think we passed the line back there. Thankfully, he lives so far away, and has to keep an early curfew for parole...NEXT!

Keeping it in the family?-Natasha

So, first off i'm sorry that I have contributed in awhile, life has been so crazy that there wasn't much time for dating.
Well, now that it's spring and the flowers have started blooming, I decide it was time to make some room for members of the opposite sex (gay friends excluded) I was convinced by a friend to try Match.com. Needless to say, I was skeptical at first that it would just be the same run of the mill weirdo's as any bar or club, but within a few days I started exhange emails with a few guys. One named Chris that seemed to really have his life together, 33, owned his own electrical company, home, motocycle and car. :) We even had similar interests in music and sports. The other ,was this guy Ricky who seemed like more of the bad boy type. (Which is usually what i'm drawn to) 27 tall ,and working as an electrician, and I thought to myself, "How weird is it that they both are electricians"
After a few conversations with the "badboy" he went MIA for a few days, I just figured that he met someone or lost interest. I began talking to Chris more and more. One night we were on the phone until 2am without any weird awkward silences. The next night it was till 12:30am until my eyes were tearing from laughter and lack of sleep. I decided it was time for us to meet because I never like talking on the phone that much.
Plans were made to hang out the next night. We got dinner and a drink and then decided to go watch a movie at my house,he brought a few with him incase we were both tired (more like in case I decided to sleep with him, and for the record I didn't) We also talked about the usual stuff like, why we decided to try online dating and how long we had been on it. I mentioned I had only been on the site for a few weeks, and that he was the only one I had actully communicated with outside of email, but that I did email back and forth with a few people and exchanged numbers, but they never called.
So, while we were watching the movie we talked even more about life, and personal realtionships i.e. ex's and annoying family members and he mentioned how he had to fire his cousin the day before, because he wasn't doing his work and borrowing money all the time. Apparently his cousin Ricky was spending work time at the bar trying to hit on chicks and Chris found out because his cousin was stupid enough to call him from this place called Kegglers Den... (super dive bar)
Anyway, the next day at work i'm sitting at work when out of the blue I get a text from this random number. The message says "How's work going" I reply "good. you? who is this?" The reply, "I can't complain, work was slow, so I took the week off" "I again reply with "Who is this" the response "Its Ricky Martin" OMFG the light finally comes on. Ricky is Chris' scumbag cousin.
Needless to say I didn't respond to Ricky's text and when I told Chris that one of the other people who messaged me online was his cousin, he mentioned he wasn't surprised because his cousin and him have the same taste, but the situation was really weird. He even emailed me saying that he was done with Match for good... it was just to strange. I agreed, what are the odds that the only people I had a connection with from the stupid site are cousins....
Chris and I hung out one more time, but it was never quite the same, there was always this weird feeling, I almost felt like I cheated or something by talking to Ricky even though, I hadn't even met Chris yet... It was weird.
Note to self-remember to cancel match.com membership

First Strike - Francesca

Well, I think I got a taste of my own medicine. After months...wait...no...years of superiority of dates and judging them quickly, I finally got someone who hit first. I'm not exactly "picky" when it comes to who I'll go on a first date with. I'd like to think I'm picky with who I actually end up with, but many disagree....but that's another story entirely.

Anyway, I was shocked to meet Jimmy. He seemed interesting enough...kind of funny, really into music and travelling...on paper, he was great. My biggest reservation was that his photo has the d-bag tag...the vertical soul patch of a goatee...but whatever...a beer is just a beer, right? Well, as great as he seemed on paper...in person...wow. Okay, so his conversational skills were slightly lacking, and he had a lot of hangups about his ex...but man, was he gorgeous. Half sleeve tattoos, totally muscular, and he'd shaved the strip of hair that implied he was a douche. This is the kind of person that when you look at them, you kind of lose the ability to think rationally, and all you want to do is see them without the skintight tshirt. The kind of guy that takes me back to my dating skills of high school...nervous, scared, insecure...but man. He was hot. This date was two weeks ago, and I still drool a little when I think of just how hot he was. This is the kind of hotness that excuses the fact that he couldn't stop talking about his band from a decade ago, all of his 21-year-old ex girlfriends and his Jeep. I mean, the guy was 36, and looked 25. I am still losing a bit of control just thinking of him....wow. Anyway.

So, yeah, we hang, have a couple beers, talk...and I realize I'm so far out of my league. He's only into the tiny, blond and petite girls that get jobs as shot girls at bars. And I didn't care. All I knew was, I was on a date with the prettiest man I'd met online. It was that moment where I realized just how shallow I can be in the short term. I didn't care about his fairly obvious personality flaws...I just wanted more of him. I didn't care that he held the polar opposite views from me...all I cared about was that he was beautiful.

The thing that really gets me...I let him have the first right of refusal. Ordinarily, when I see someone as completely wrong for me as Jimmy, I cut out pretty early. I stick around just long enough to have a funny story to tell my friends...but...no. I let him have the joy of rejection. Within minutes, I'm guessing, I was listed in his phone as "Ignore" and he de-buddy listed me. It's cool. I do it all the time. But I was so blinded by his beauty that I was willing to let pretty much anything else go by. I finally understood how the guys I have been going on dates with feel, sitting across from someone they think is super hot, refusing to accept that they have nothing in common with that person...I could be totally wrong, but judging on my experience, I'm not that far off.

But I will live long into my cougar years remembering his beauty...man...was he hot. It's okay, darling, you don't have to talk. You can just sit there and be beautiful. *Sigh*

Horrible Flashback - Francesca

This post would be completely unnecessary if people followed the following rules for casual dating, Internet style.

1. If you aren't into the other person-be up front about it. We all have different things we are into, and different things that we aren't into. You can click with someone via text, email or IM, but in person realize they are a transgendered midget, which is something you just can't align into your turnon column. That's fine....we all have our quirks, and I don't expect everyone to think I'm the cat's meow...this is the online dating age...let's not waste each other's time.

2. If you don't talk to someone for awhile, delete their number. I'm afflicted with ADD, and don't treat it with medicine. Therefore, I have a ridiculously short attention span. This translates to dating-you gotta keep my attention, or you're cast aside. I clear out my phone every other week to remove people I'm no longer talking to. (Seriously, around here, there are a million Ryans, Joes, and Anthonys...I can't keep my phone book straight). I think it's fair to assume that after a couple months, the opportunity has left the building, especially if rule #1 was followed.

3. I think this is the most important. If the other person is not into you, let it go. Don't assault them with questions why, don't try to convince them otherwise, don't promise to change. Seriously, if you have to change this much for a person you hardly know if you like, you have a lot of issues.

This brings me to last night. I was kicking back on the last night of date-free week (also known as my mom was in town), watching the benign Deal or No Deal and planning the rest of my week with potential dates. As I mentioned, mom was in town, so texting was the modis operandi.

Suddenly, I get a text from a number I don't recognize...after a bit of back and forth, I realize it's Tomas. The guy from a year ago that sent me about 500 text messages in 3 days and was a total douche. The one I was so happy to be rid of. The one who, like the ninja, refuses to go away...seriously...as soon as you think you're in the clear, he just pops out. This is how the conversation went:

Him: How have you been?
Me: Who is this?
Him: So, have you been well?
Me: Who is this?
Him: This is Tom...from Worcester
Me: How do I know you?
Him: I think we hung out like a yr ago...just found ur number and figure id see how u were (**Aside-I HATE text speak. I have one of those full keyboard phones, so I could be off the mark, but seriously? We're not 14. Spell the freaking words)
Me: Oh, you.
Him: I think I acted as a jerk a little...sorry
Me: A little? You were pretty bad
Him: Lol ya...I remmeber being buzzed and being rude
Me: I was pretty clear...I am not interested.
Him: Life's a lil diff now...didn't know if u wanted to grab a drink sometime...if ur single
Me: I am single...but you aren't what I was looking for then or now.
Him: Are you sure? You are missing out.

Okay...seriously? A year later? I followed Rule 1. He broke all the others. I don't know if it's my overly wide net for dating people (I'm a girl...a free beer is still a free beer) or if I let things get this bad to entertain others, but moments like this make me scream. If this is nothing but a public service announcement for others, please, understand, we only heckle you and get annoyed...these are not good associations. Oh well, on to more dates with new people...it can only get more interesting.

Scat Cat? - Francesca

***As an aside, I would like to thank the Cru Jones Society for their continued support and heckling of our terrible dates. If you want to see their commentaries about everything outside of dating (and they are much funnier), go to http://crujonessociety.com/***

So, after a stint in relationship land, I've decided to hit the market again. Now, I feel like I've exhausted my usual haunt of Craig's List, so I branch out to some other markets, namely Hot or Not. Yes, this is a dating site that doubles as a time waster. And I get to see how hot I am (6.7, but I think it's skewed). I start talking to a somewhat nice looking guy that seems interesting, and the normal things happen...we IM, we talk, we agree to meet. Our first date is pretty innocuous...we meet at a movie theatre minutes before the film, then I leave right after. No talking, no disappointment...actually, with my track record, this is the best first date I've had in awhile. If only it could have stayed there.

A few days later, I agree to meet Chad again...we decide to hang out and watch a movie in. I head over to his house, and it's not bad. The place is clean, doesn't smell, and is fairly nice for a dude living with a couple of roommates. I am eased into a state of complacency...I am no longer on guard. Lesson, ladies, NEVER fall off guard with people you have just started hanging out with or dating...you tend to let yourself fall into very awkward situations. Anyway, we were talking and hanging out before we decided which movie to watch...and the inevitable question of "what are you into" came up. Silly me, I was expecting movies, music...the usual. But he says he's into funny videos. "Oh, like on YouTube?" I question. Oh, no. That would be normal and fine. And I don't do normal and fine, apparently. He tries to explain...but he's not finding the words, so he offers to show me. Luckily, he has his computer hooked up to his large television in his living room. He navigates to a web page, and all of a sudden, the screen is filled with the image of a kitten. It isn't the standard picture of a cat, though...there's something all over it...something....no, it couldn't be. People don't like this kind of thing in reality. But yes, it is a cat, covered in shit. He's into scat. With animals. I turn to look at him with horror in my eyes...I mean, I'm pretty open minded, but I guess even I have limits. He has a sparkle in his eye and a smile as he looks at the photo. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Dear lord, I am doomed, but the rest of the world can revel in my dating misery.

Never Tell Someone You Write this Blog - Francesca

I'm a very candid person, which can be a blessing and a curse. When I start to feel comfortable with someone, I open up pretty quickly, and will talk about pretty much anything. I also don't judge people that quickly, and if someone is mentally stimulating, I tend to look over some things like where they live, what they do, etc. All this came into play on a date with Tim. He was really into travelling, smart, funny and really cute. Plus he was a Pastafarian, which was huge for me. We met up at a tiny restaurant and had a great dinner, laughed, talked and talked about online dating. I mentioned that I wrote this blog...big mistake. He made it his goal for the night to end up as an entry. At first, I thought it was a joke, but I came to realize that it was a serious effort. After dinner, we went to a blues club, where with every drink he purchased, he informed me how much money I would have to "work off". Funny at first, I began to see he may not be kidding. He then started talking about his life more. He was illegally squatting at an abandoned house with no heat or running water...again, I thought he was joking. After talking more, I realized he had no job, and was running around from state to state a lot...made me start to wonder more about who he really was. Yet, he was cute, had passion and was into making documentaries, so I stayed. He really turned on the "charm" as we left the blues club and went to a local dive bar. On the way, he started telling me what he thought the top ten things a guy should never say on a date should be. Things like "So, when are we going to have sex?" and "Wow, you really can't be too picky, can you?" made me wonder why I was still there...but I still wasn't sure if I should laugh or run away. Once we arrived at what I decided was the final stop of the night, he ramped way up. He started a conversation with a homeless man, called me over, then ran off to talk to other girls. When he came back, he grabbed my phone and started calling all my friends and telling them of his plans to make this the most memorable worst date I'd ever have. I ended up grabbing up the last bit of my dignity of the night as I walked out...still wondering if it was all a joke. I originally was going to leave this night off the blog, considering he tried too hard and was intentional, but it was a good message...don't let anyone know what you write critiques of, especially if they are involved in said critique.

F Josh's... AGAIN -Natasha

Ok so I went on a tangent awhile back stating that you should never date a man named Josh. I made the biggest chick mistake ever.... I went against my own good judgement and I decided to give Josh number 3 another chance... OMFG what a disaster... My friend and I we to the local watering hole one night, and were invited to a party at Josh's apartment... I really didn't want to go, because I haven't really talked to him since I told him off about the whole hanging with the ex thing... but my friend informed me that he no longer lived there.... the idea sounded slightly better at that point. I began to consider going because really what the f else did I have to do... All of a sudden in mid conversation I feel two masculine hands on my shoulders and I spin around real quick... (I don't like to be touched, unless I'm telling you to do the touching...lol) And its Josh.... WTF, there goes the party idea.... he tells my drunken friend that he has no idea what she is talking about with the party... and I think... "Cool... game on" When she gets up to go to the ladies room... he makes eye contact, I look for cover or a quick escape, but its to late, I'm cornered... He starts with the "Why did you blow me off" talk, I mention to him that I told him he didn't need to lie to me about where he was going on vacation, we weren't together and I had no claim to him, and besides, he has seen me since then and was quite rude when my friend from out of town, was at the table w/our friends one night (mind you this friend is 6'2" jacked and extremely attractive) And he pulled the juvenile comment of... "Friend... what friend... I thought you were dating that dude" to which I replied, long time friend lives in FL, you would've known that if you had asked or not acted like a prick so I could've introduced you" At this Josh#3 was dumb struck... Ha Ha I almost felt bad, and then 3 beers later, I felt really bad... GOD I'm a sucker... I tell him he should go to the party if he wants to talk anymore, but I need to get going... He says "I will go if your going" I say fine, I will see you there about 10:30.... My friend and I run and grab food, and go to another bar for a one-and gun. New bar is a completely different atmosphere then the previous establishment. We go from Irish pub with outdoor patio's to a douche invested dance club. I almost felt like I was watching A night at the Roxbury.... So I'm sitting at a table with a bunch of co-workers when random people keep coming up and saying hi. I ran a nightclub for about 2 yearsand I'm pretty fucking cool LOL, so sometimes, completely random people come and start talking to me like I've known them and there family since the womb or something. This guy comes up... His name is Chris and I met him a few years before while get this... I was prego... what the heck kind of sicko hits on a chick while she is pregnant... LOL Anyway, we have always kinda been buddies so I tell him its great to see him, and that I'm sure we will run into each other again.... My friend and I head to the party enough of the meat market for me tonight... We get to this so called party, and its 4 dudes, a chick and an old man poking at the fire with a stick.... What did I get myself into now... I have a few bottles of wine and my drink of choice Jager with me, and I'm ready to cause some ruckus... we are there for a little bit, and some more people show up. We are about even now in odds, 6 chicks 8 guys, that's pretty good for a NH bonfire party... Then Josh comes barreling down the driveway in his work truck... HOLY REDNECK he seems ok when he gets there, but with in 10 mins is all over me, saying that he wants us to be together and that I'm the girl of his dreams, at this point I realize that he is wasted. He asks if he can come to my house and when I say no, he says is going to drive an hour home, to bad he couldn't even walk and at one point even fell into the wood pile... I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I let him drive and he crashes or gets arrested on the way home. I ask his old roomate if he can crash there and go inside to look for a place to make him laydown... there is nothing... even the roomies bed is occupied at this point... wtf looks like he gets his wish, I tell him he can crash on my couch. I wake up about 3 am to him clumbing in my bed and trying to "cuddle" as he puts it... I kick him out of my room tell him to go to the couch, or he will have to sleep on the futon on the porch, he listens until about 8am, when he tries again... seriously dude... now i'm up for good it's time to bring you home... I'm all set with a 32 yr old that drinks to much and can't take no for an answer... Bring on the next contestant...

You blow me off, and want me to...WHAT? - Francesca

I met a seemingly cool person off of Craig's List, which was rather surprising. I mean, most of them never made it past the first date, but this one made it for a couple of months. I should have seen the massive red flags surrounding his previous relationship issues, but decided that since it had been a year and a half, it'd be okay. Bad move on my part. But he was cute, smart, sarcastic, and actually challenged me. I was digging it. We went to shows together, partied, played video games...it was a fun time. But after a couple of months, things started to change. I can pinpoint the exact moment...we were hanging out, drinking till 4 a.m., and he asked me if I would consider him my boyfriend. Even without the bottle of Cap'n, I probably would have agreed, but man, that mango-flavored rum is DELICIOUS. The next day, he started distancing himself. Now, I must preface this with one fact: my number one pet peeve is people who blow off plans to hang out without calling or notifying me. The first time we were supposed to hang out was after I went to a Sox game...I was going to cook him dinner as a celebration of his first week teaching at a new school. I was running late after the game, so I called him...no answer. I got home and started to get things ready to cook...but try to call again before I actually put the food in the oven...no answer. Two days later, he calls, saying he lost his cell. Okay...I let it slide. The next weekend we were supposed to go to a concert together...one my favorite artists, and a friend. The night before the show, he emails me to tell me how excited he is to go to the show. Saturday comes...I call him mid-afternoon to sort out our plans. No answer. I call him as I'm leaving for the show. No answer. I decided that I didn't care, and I'd go have a good time anyway, which I did. Another 4 o'clocker, but that's not that relevant. I get a call almost a week later from him...and I've moved past angry-I wrote him off as another flaky dude. But he convinces me to hang out with him the next night so he can make it up to me. I begrudgingly agree...my next mistake. He meets up with me after work, and we go to my neighborhood pizza joint to get some takeout. He throws a tantrum in the pizza place because it's taking too long for the food. I literally had to take him outside and leave him in the car. I'm annoyed and am about to tell him to start walking to his car...but the pizza comes, and I'm hungry, so I decide to eat first. When I'm hungry, I get kinda cranky, and wasn't sure if my annoyance was hunger-related. We have our slices, and I'm expecting the apologies to begin. Why, I don't know. But instead, he grabs the remote, and turns it to the Sox game. Then, he starts to loosen his belt...and tells me that he would really appreciate me going...umm...no. Sorry, dude, but what???!!! You've got to be kidding me. I haven't kicked anyone out that fast in my life.

Dumber than a bag of hair - Francesca

Okay, so this date...if you can call it that...was not supposed to happen. I was supposed to go to a concert with a friend from work, and she had to bail at the last minute. I had two tickets, and couldn't get anyone else to go. So, I branched to the people I'd been chatting with online, going in order of how much I liked them. It's tough to get someone to go to a show at the last minute, so by the time I got to number seven, I was ready to give up. But he answered, and said he wanted to go. I told him about the bands...it was a punk show, and I figured he wouldn't know much about the bands. He checked it out, and seemed into it, so...why not? Anything is better than going to a show alone...or so I thought.

I picked Nate up...he seemed okay on paper...27, employed....well, I guess I didn't know much about him. But again, person to take the ticket...worth it to me. We ended up taking the train into Boston, so we had time to talk...this was the start of the downfall of the date. He spent the entire time ranting about his ex, how she was terrible, and how she'd turned him into the police for drugs. Wow...a winner. By the time we got to the show, I was desperate to lose him. I realized I really am a nice person, because if I'd been any meaner, I would have left him at the show and gone home. Once we entered into the venue, it was better...the loud music drowned him out and I could have a drink, which I did need. The first band was fun, and I went to buy a CD after their set. As I bought the CD, I started talking to the band and their merch guy, only to have Nate run up...not to talk to me, but to try to talk to the band about a bizarre dream he'd had the night before. Even odder, it was completely unrelated to anything anyone had talked or sung about before. He was kind of thick, as the singer told him he was in the middle of something with me, and he'd talk to him when he was done with the conversation. Nate kept talking. I escaped to the mosh pit for Zebrahead, because I had to take out some of the frustration...I was at a fun show, and he was kind of killing it. I managed to enjoy the rest of the show despite his attempts to drag me down.

However, the show ended...and we still had the train ride back and the drive back to his house. On the way back, Nate kept talking. He went on about how the only future of music is hip hop, and the rest of music is filled with idiots. He even went so far to say that punk has no soul or meaning...not a way to impress a punk rock girl, especially when she just took you to a punk show that you said was fun. He then went onto his conspiracy theories, which I usually enjoy. However, it felt less like theories and more like someone reading back issues of High Times. At one point, he went on about how the world was going to end on 12/12/2012, and asked me what I thought about it...and the only thing I could say was "Wow, that's not soon enough." I'd reached the end of my rope and my patience. I explained that I appreciated his opinions, but I had no idea how he'd reached his conclusions. He continued to try to explain to me that he was the smartest person on the planet, and could see things most people couldn't, and he felt bad that I couldn't reach his level of understanding, but with time, I could maybe start to understand. I tuned him out for the rest of the drive, and dropped him off at his house, and told him to have a good one. He wouldn't get out of the car-he wanted me to come in, or at least make out a little. I started laughing, and told him that when he stooped down to my plane of intelligence, he would understand.

Never Date a Lawyer - Francesca

So, a little back story. I met a guy when I was in college...he was in his last year as I was in my first...we worked together, and got along but weren't close. He was the one who taught me all about punk rock, and I developed a little crush on him. Nothing ever happened, since he graduated and moved away, and I'd only see him a couple times a year. Fast forward seven years later...and I discover he's moved to a nearby town to go to law school. Odd, how when you move 2,000 miles from home, how many people you find that are also nearby...but anyway. We hang out a few times, and things are fun. It's nice to have someone around who isn't bored by my stories from back in Colorado, since he knows what I refer to. It was all platonic...we both had significant others, so I didn't even think about acting on the crush that was still there. A few months later, we went to a Slayer show together. We became separated from his friends, and ended up just the two of us at the edge of the pit. The second he put his hand on my back (to "protect" me, apparently), I knew something was there. As the show came to a close, I got ready to leave, but was stopped since he was missing some people in his party. I ended up walking the streets of Providence with him as he gathered his band of friends...and once we'd found them all, the buses running to his area had stopped. It was 2 a.m., in the middle of winter, so I drove them all home. Getting to his house last, I ask if I can crash on the couch, since I'm entirely too tired to drive the remainder of the trip back to my house. Going upstairs, we drink a few more beers and start talking and reminiscing about the past...and then get into him informing me he has been as infatuated with me as I was with him for the past seven years. The next time I look at the clock, it's almost 7 a.m., and we've been talking all night. I leave before anything bad can happen, but a seed was planted. In the next two weeks, we end up breaking off our other relationships to be with each other...and the passion was amazing. I had finally met someone who wanted to put in as much energy into the relationship as I did...and I started looking forward to the future we would share. I mean, he said everything right, met my mother, introduced me to all his friends, took me on amazing weekend trips...I was giddy. But then, overnight, it all changed. He suddenly became distant and sullen. I tried to find out what was wrong, but he kept saying it was nothing...and I just chalked it up to finals stress. We ended up going away together for a long weekend, and it was the most uncomfortable time of my life. He wouldn't talk to me or look at me. He pouted and ignored me. I kept trying to make the best of it, but when you are given that to work with, not much is going to happen. The inevitable happened a few days after getting back...he'd made up his mind that we weren't future material. This, from the commitment-phobe. He said he'd tried to give me another chance to change his mind on our weekend away. Had I known I needed to consistantly audition for the role of future girlfriend, I would have walked away from the part at the start...but to no avail. He said that as a future lawyer, he needed a certain type of person for his future, and I wasn't it...he makes gut decisions on black and white standards, and my version of grey was not cutting it. Now, anyone who has ever met a lawyer knows this, but you can't win an argument with them. So, I accepted his decision and left him confused and upset that I wasn't willing to fight for him to change his mind. Now, I'm sorry, but I'm of the "black and white" school of thought where if someone doesn't want to be with you, you don't want to be with them. Lawyers...constant control freaks and use bizarre conceptual ideas to run away from anything that may detract them from their microcosm of a life. But, on the bright side, I totally saw this coming...I had even bought and read a book about breakups before he'd come over...it was easier to get over than the breakups that just broadside you.

I feel a draft-Natasha

So unlike Francesca, I am still engulfed in the hideous world of dating. Over the past few years, I have tried to open my horizons and look at people and not only physical appearances, it never really worked, so I'm going back to my roots. My tag line is "you must be this tall to ride this ride" and I'm only 5'8" maybe a little more, so it shouldn't be that hard to find a guy 5'10" or taller. I've always found myself attracted to tall guys with light eyes... I don't know everyone has there thing right? Well, about a two weeks ago I met this guy, He was really attractive (1/2 Italian 1/2 Dominican, about 6'2 with green eyes) Totally fit into the "type" category, we talk every night for about a week, and plan to go out to dinner on a Thursday night. He lives in Boston, so I tell him I will go there so that we have more of a selection on what to do. So I break out the trusty GPS, and head into the Ghetto (apparently he doesn't live in the Italian part of town... great, locked doors.... check) I get to his house after about 15 left turns with the GPS, I'm thinking to myself... "Look kids Big Ben, Parliament" and he hops in so can show me where to park my brand new car... after a few more lefts... gotta love Boston streets. My car is parked behind his house. I hear people yelling and playing Domino's... "Oh geez, what did I get myself into now" He says he will drive, and opens my car door... Bonus point for chivalry :) When I get in his car, not only does he have a club on the steering wheel, he has the kind of club for the pedal. I ask him, if I should take some precautions for my own car, he assures me that it will be fine. Ok, I drive an 07 Civic, the most stolen car in America, I'm parking in the ghetto and you're telling me I don't need a club, or even offering to let me borrow yours till we get back. Chivalry point gone, looks like we are back to an even playing field. We had to the Cheesecake factory for dinner, He opens doors, pulls out my chair, looks at my eyes not my chest while talking... again bringing him above the average date I've been on lately. When dinner is was over we discussed what to do... it was 100 fing degree's so we decide to go to his house and watch a movie in the ac... he was very respectful, we just kinda relaxed and talked. Then a few drinks later, I decided that he deserved a little kiss... (chivalry and liquor works wonders, take a note on that one boys) We end up making out for a few minutes... when he gets a little to into it... and smacks my butt.... ok, not something I was to comfortable about on a first date, but whatev.... a few minutes later he does it again... this time... he immediately stops kissing me, and is like... OMFG, i just made your pants rip.... WOAH you did what, my favorite pair of jeans... i know you were into it... but come on... I suddenly feel a draft so I immediately run to try and find a mirror... OK, not to bad, but its time for me to go, so it won't get worse on the way home... His comment to me was, I'm so sorry, what size are you and I will go and replace them... nice thought, but never ask a women her weight or size, (again please take notes on that men) my comment to him was thanks for dinner, I'll call you... two weeks later, jeans have been replaced, and so has the guy.... LOL

Never Date a Co-worker - Francesca

I was working a throwaway job growing up...one of those jobs that has no real responsibility, and you're really just there for the employee discount. But, although it required very little mental acuity to work in a department store, we had a few days of training. It wasn't bad...they paid us to just sit around, and there was a cute guy in the training group. I managed to talk to him whenever we had breaks, and he was nice, tall, cute and my age (difficult to find in what turned to be a crazy retail store). After training, we were let loose to our departments. We worked in neighboring areas....me in Juniors, him in Young Mens. I thought on the first day I'd sneak over and say hi to him...but he was "shadowing" another person in the department, another guy our age. Now, Derrick may have been the same age as John and myself, but he wasn't someone I'd normally hang with. He was kinda nerdy not in a good way, not very attractive and short. But he wasn't that bad, so I would talk to him when I'd go over to talk to John, so he wouldn't feel ignored. Now, this was back in the day, when I was a really nice person, to the point of my detriment. I thought we were all just friends, so when Derrick asked if I wanted to catch a movie after an afternoon shift, I thought nothing of it. Now, the next part got a bit fuzzy...not due to alcohol, but just because I don't really understand how it happened.

I thought we were going to the movies as friends...but somehow after the movie, he informed everyone we were dating...and I didn't say anything to the contrary. That would be the tone of our short lived....relationship? Whatever it was...it probably shouldn't have happened. Derrick was the kind of guy who didn't have luck with girls, and, I may be presumptuous, I thought my rejecting him would make work awkward, especially since I was trying to flirt with John. So I went with it. I still feel bad, since I know Derrick really liked me. I guess I attracted the crazies with attachment issues when I was younger. I really knew that I wasn't that interested in him, but...again, too nice to break it off. Things got a bit dicey when he had a tearful revelation that he loved me...and started the wonderful pressure of "taking things to the next level." I knew I had to end it...he was getting the special touch of crazy that followed me throughout my teens, but he managed to give me a gift before I broke it off. Now, a lot of girls like jewelry. But I hate my birthstone...it's orange and ugly. And the store we worked at sold the very low quality jewelry. So, when I got birthstone earrings from Derrick that I knew for a fact were purchased at the store we worked at...I had to end it. I didn't know what to do with the earrings, so I held onto them for a couple weeks, then went to return them. Lucky for me, Derrick had transferred departments...to the returns department. Even better, I was with a new boyfriend, and he was working. I returned the earrings and took the store credit to buy a sexy new outfit for the new boyfriend...I think I just realized when I stopped being nice and started being bitchy. At least something was solved.

Never Move for a Guy - Francesca

Although I have been burned a few times, and had terrible dating experiences, I am a hopeless romantic at heart. I tend to fall fast and hard if I meet someone I really connect with. I tend to be a little too free-spirited at times, which can lead to amazing things and trouble. In this case, it was both.

I was flying to Boston for my first time to go to my cousin's wedding. Not only was I excited to head out to an amazing city, but I was flying in on St. Patrick's Day...this would be my first official St. Paddy's Day as an adult (at 21 I lived overseas, at 22, I was on Spring Break and was already too drunk to notice). I was so excited. So, I didn't really know anyone there except for family, but I'm outgoing and can make friends as I go. After trying to get free drinks on the flight...to no success...we land and get to our hotel. I inform my parents that I'm going out in Boston, and I'll be back later. To this day, I really don't know why they never tried to stop me, but, I guess we'll never know. I end up in the center of Boston at 10 p.m., a really late time to start drinking. There are lines everywhere, and I soon discover it's one in-one out at all the popular bars. Lines really give you an opportunity to make friends, and I quickly adopted myself into a group of people, and informed them it was their responsibility to make sure I had fun. We bar hopped, talked, and just had a good time in general. I couldn't stop talking to one person in particular...he was really cute and interesting. Joe and I spent a lot of time talking that night, and he offered to drive me back to my hotel, which was nice since it was about a $50 cab ride away. We spent the rest of the weekend together, but I figured it was just a weekend fling.

After I got back to Denver, we continued to talk everyday, and I was completely infatuated. I'd been trying to find a job and move somewhere, anywhere, and I decided to focus my search on the Boston area. All I knew was that I wasn't happy being so far away from Joe. A couple weeks later, he was out in Denver to visit me, and I was scheduling job interviews in Massachusetts. I ended up landing a job that sounded cool, and found out I had two weeks to pack my life, find a place to live, and get myself out there. It was going so fast, but I was caught up in all the excitement.

Now, uprooting your life and moving somewhere where you don't know anyone is hard. I had prepared myself, but didn't realize how difficult it would be to go from a place I'd lived my whole life to a place where I didn't even know where anything was. I leaned on Joe for support, but the good times we had were overshadowed by the fights. I needed to be more independent, but he got upset when I went out alone. I hadn't seen the jealous side of him before. I tried to make things work, but I was homesick and felt pretty lonely. He didn't want to change his life for me, and things got rockier. After a few months, I couldn't take it anymore. I knew he was cheating on me, and I spent all the energy I could have used making friends and going places fighting with him. It was the most painful breakup I have ever had. I had no one to turn to...all my friends back home only told me to move back. I was completely lost...luckily I had found reasons other than him to stay. Moving is never easy, but to base it on a fleeting feeling...it is a recipe for disaster.

Never Date Your Neighbor's Friends - Francesca

I had recently moved into a new multi-family house, and had some really cool housemates. They were young, and always invited me to their cookouts. I'd gone to a few of their parties, but I'd been dating someone during that time. It was days after getting out of an intense relationship when they invited me to another rager. I needed to let loose, so I was excited. I usually had a pretty good time, so I immediately accepted. Now, from my history, I can get slightly crazy when I'm just out of a relationship, so I was going to try to take it easy. Yeah, right. Now, I'm normally an outgoing person, and when I am in crazy party mode, I become friends with everyone. I was hanging out having a few, and started talking to Mark, a friend of my neighbor/landlord. We were having a great conversation, and moved it to the lower balcony when some people at the party decided to yell their rants to the world. I was really enjoying Mark's company, and after a few drinks, he was starting to look okay to me. The night began to wind down, and I was tired of getting attacked by mosquitoes, so we went inside to keep talking and drinking. The more I drank, the more attractive he got. We reached the inevitable point where he leaned in for a kiss. I know we'd been drinking all night, but if you want to make a move like that, you may want to prep with a piece of gum, a breath mint...anything to mask the fact that you have been drinking, smoking, and eating some form of rotting garbage. But it wasn't just his breath...he was a horrible kisser. Now, I'll give him a pass on the lack of talent, as we had been drinking for about six hours. But these things combined with the recent breakup made me really not want to continue kissing him. I sent him on his way, knowing that although he was too drunk to drive, my neighbor had a couch with his name on it.

This is where the story got interesting. I have a lot of guy friends, and I know they sometimes like to elaborate on their hookups. I hadn't even considered the consequences of such a thing at the time. I suddenly noticed that my neighbor was acting weird towards me, looking at me with a smirk and not really talking to me anymore. After some prodding with his girlfriend, the truth came out. Mark had created a very elaborate story that he spread around as to what had happened. No big deal, I don't really care about it, but the awkwardness with my neighbor and landlord was something that did bother me. Not only that, but within days, Mark had been hired on at the local liquor store, which I go to a bit...and his schedule was whenever I was thirsty. I tried to shake up the times I'd go in, but he was always there. I still don't know how to tell him he was as terrible a kisser as the Mormons in high school, with breath that would make anyone run away screaming. The awkwardness eventually wore off, but I have learned that I will never try to date a landlord's friend, especially if they're your neighbor, because you'll never escape the memory of a failed adventure.

Dinner for Airplay - Francesca

I recently worked as an unpaid helper monkey for a local radio station. It was a great time, and I had some good friends there, so working for free wasn't that big of a deal. I ended up getting paid in CDs and concerts. But as I was there, I realized one thing: I'd never dated a musician. Now, I was pretty excited, as I was meeting lots of musicians every week, so I set out to accomplish the task of dating one of them. Let's face it, we all want someone to be so moved by us that they write a song about it. Granted, most of these songs are about breakups, but, whatever. My motives were not pure, but I figured if I was going to be hanging out with a lot of musicians, it wouldn't hurt to date one. I met one guy, Greg, from a very mediocre local band. I mean, he barely qualified, and he was a drummer, so...{insert drummer joke here}. But I figured it was a step in the right direction. He was kinda cute, and we'd been hanging out for a bit, so going on a date seemed like an okay idea. He picked me up, and really tried to impress me by taking me to the Olive Garden (look, people, I don't care where you live, there is always better Italian than the Olive Garden. And it's always packed...I don't really get it). Conversation was fairly good throughout, and I managed to have an okay time despite having terrible food. I was so excited...a good date amongst so many bad ones. We finished our dinner, and he was on the way back to my place to drop me off. As soon as we got in the car, he turned to me...this was the moment...the night had been building up, and I felt some butterflies as he tilted his head and turned in. But instead of coming closer, he just whispered "Now that I've taken you out, you have to play my CD on the radio." This was the weirdest form of "payment" for dinner that I've ever heard of...and all I could do was laugh and lie. "I'll see what I can do." Well, that wasn't really a lie. I did discover I have the ability to completely shatter a CD against a wall when thrown in the style of a boomerang. It's quite remarkable. And I do count my blessings, because seeing how musicians date after the face, I'm glad I was totally turned off of them from the first date. And thanks to the terrible date, Strata never received airplay and broke up a few months later due to frustration nothing was moving forward. I don't want to take all the credit, they really were a horrible band.

Crazy eyes and gimpy hands-Natasha

My first word of advice if your going to try this whole online dating thing, GET A PICTURE FROM ALL ANGLES...... I started talking to this guy Adam online, he seemed really cool, so I gave him my number and we started chatting. We planned on meeting up a few night later. He said that he was in IT and thinking about starting his own business. He didn't mention that he was un-employed. The day we plan to hang out I talk to him around noon and he says that he's broke, can we we go dutch... Hey guys, you invite a girl out on a first day, you are SUPPOSED to pay. Anyway, I was like F it, how bad can it be. I go to meet him, and he is standing outside of the car with some cheesy 7-11 flowers (I know its the thought that counts.... right, only if I actually like you) So he gets in my car... kinda funky smelling... (carni-cabbage type of smell) Then he goes to talk to me when we are driving to go get dinner, and I notice his right eye... ok, OMFG is he even looking at me, the right eye is pointing out the passenger side window and the left is staring at me, I actually got the creepy-crawlies from that... (to his credit he looked ok in pics from the left side) but DUDE you could've mentioned the eye, that's something you obviously can't hide. So I need to figure out how to get the freak of nature out of my car, so I fake sick before even getting to the restaurant. We get back to the area where the car is.... He asks if I'm really sick, or if i'm faking... Hmm, I don't know... we made it 4mins into our date and I'm bailing even before the rescue call from Francesca... yeah I must be REALLY sick. So I drop him off, and he tries to hug me, I go for the hand shake instead, but his hand is gimpy. It felt like I was grasping onto to a dying fish, slippery and wriggling... poor kid, better luck with the next women you try to fool. Maybe you could find a nice girl that wears a helmet.

Moving to College - Francesca

Well, looking back, I've had some doozies of bad dates in the recent past. But I feel this blog is missing out on some of the terrible relationship stories I have to tell as well. So, as I take a break from some first dates (my liver is about to quit), I'll reminisce about the relationships I am so glad are over.

David is one of the people I'm most happy to not be dating. He was a really nice guy, with serious abandonment issues. I mean, we dated when I was a high school senior, and within two weeks had declared his undying love for me. I was moved by someone who was so into me, and I was 18...I really didn't know any better. I continued dating him, pushing off talks of marriage, because, let's face it, I was 18 and I did know better. I thought the relationship would fade the fall after high school, as I was going to college in another area code, and he wasn't. Little did I know that he had other plans...he told me a week before I was to move up to college that he had just signed a year lease for an apartment in the same town. Well, it was a nice gesture, and I didn't know if I wanted to break up with him, but I did know I wouldn't handle a long distance relationship.

Fast forward to the first week of classes...I'm on a campus of 26,000. By my math, that's almost 13,000 guys, most of them between the ages of 18 and 25. I haven't been in the vicinity of this many people before...and I see there are many options of other guys out there...my eyes are opened! It really was too bad for David that he chose this particular day to seal his fate by proposing to me. My reaction was just like something out of a movie. I pointed, laughed, and told him I wanted to be single again. Now, some may say this was harsh, but the results of the next few months proved it to be appropriate.

Did I mention we worked together at a department store, and that he was my ride, since I didn't have a car and the store was 7 miles away? Because that was the case. So not only was I forced to still face him, I had to befriend some other people pretty quick to get to and from work. This resulted in three male coworkers going totally postal and thinking that by giving me a ride home or to work on occasion meant we were dating, and almost resulted in a massive fight in the break room. I quit the next day. But that wasn't really David's fault. The fact that he created new regulations for my dorm to lock doors, since he'd come in wandering trying to "build a friendship instead", or the fact that he would call consistently at 2 a.m. drunk, made the entire situation unpleasant. Now, I could understand a rough breakup for a couple that had been together for years, but for three months? Even I'm not arrogant enough to think I warrant that kind of response.

The moral of the story...when the guy is clingy in the first week, it is a warning sign. Don't let this happen to you or your friends...cut them loose. The sooner, the better, since a week is still a long relationship to them.

Disappearing Man - Francesca

I don't know if this counts, but this was the most bizarre date I've had in awhile. This one requires a bit of background first. I met Jeremy when I was thirteen at an amusement park. My best friend at the time and I saw Jeremy and his brother, and immediately connected. The big problem was that they lived about an hour away and in another area code, which made communication pretty difficult. Jeremy was the first boy I fell in love with...we would keep in contact sporadically throughout the years. Time passed, and we got older...but we were never in sync romantically. I had a boyfriend when he was single, he had a girlfriend when I was single...so there was always a wistful strain. He understood a part of me very few people ever saw. It is true what they say-you never forget your first love. So, imagine my surprise when I found out he was in town for his job right after I become single. I'm not stupid, a lot of time has passed, and we are both very different people. Who knows if that spark is still there? But still, I agree to meet up, for old time's sake. Meeting him, I feel a rush of emotion...is it for real, or is it just the nostalgia? Either way, it's intense, and he seems to be feeling it as well. We talk for hours, catching up on the last decade...wow, has it been that long? Am I really this old? But we continue to talk, and realize it's now 3 a.m. All the talking has worn us out, and we end up falling asleep next to each other. It's really nice, to be able to reconnect with someone from so long ago, to feel this excitement again. I'm jolted from my sleep at 7, when my alarm goes off...I just have to run into work to take care of a few things, but have the day off otherwise. I wake Jeremy to let him know that he can keep sleeping, and I'll be back in half an hour. I don't think I've ever worked so fast...I zipped through everything, making it back to my place within 25 minutes. I open the door and run to my room, eager to crawl into bed again...but it's empty. On the pillow is a note...he said he was sorry, but had to leave, and would call me as soon as he got back home. Confused, I try calling his cell phone...not only is there no answer, but it has no voicemail. I wait, hoping there is a logical explanation...and have yet to hear from him. I've never been so happy to have not hooked up with anyone in my life, but I still wonder...what happened? It's so surreal, to have felt such a connection before, yet he disappeared literally within half an hour. I'd think I dreamt the whole thing, but I have this note as proof.

Highway Exit - Francesca

I was really excited about my next date. Bryant and I had been talking for awhile, and really seemed to be clicking. He likes the same movies as me, and is into the rock and roll as well. I felt pretty good about our meeting up...he was tall, dark and handsome, and we hadn't run out of things to talk about. The start of the date was surprising...we met up at the usual Beer City (still haven't been ratted out by the staff, but the bartender did laugh as I came in to meet another guy. We had a few drinks, some food, and the date was flowing rather nicely. We decided to go see a movie, but the one I wanted to see was a sequel, and he hadn't seen the previous movie. Bryant suggested that we rent the movie he hadn't seen, and schedule another date to see the one I wanted to see. It sounded like a good time, and I led the way to the video store. After he paid for the movie, he started to follow me to my place. I made sure he wasn't getting lost, but got concerned when I saw him take the onramp to the highway instead of following me. Then, my phone started ringing...something had "come up" and he was sorry...no other explanation. I'm not too judgemental, and figured it was something important. After a few days, I hadn't heard from him, so I decided to give him a call. No answer, no return call. Well, at least I had the movie....from the video store with the massive late fees. Call me vindictive, but I'm keeping it. Oddly enough, I did get a text from him (oh, the damn texting) three weeks later...on a Tuesday at 2 in the afternoon, saying he was at Foxwoods, and I should come down right then. Yeah, dude, that's going to happen.

Text Wars - Francesca

Wow...technology has allowed for a whole new level of crazy. I met Tomas online, and he seemed cute. He was my age, kinda funny, and, well, I don't have a lot of criteria for a first date. I am trying to write about the worst dating experiences possible, but Tomas...he brought the game to a whole new level. We had exchanged emails for a couple days, and started talking on the phone. He seemed nice enough, so we set up a meeting. (I've found myself at Brew City many times in the last week...each time on a different date. I really hope the bar staff doesn't give me away) The day of the date, he begins to text me at work. This is fine, as I'm bored. I mean, I write this while there....so, it was something to keep me entertained. It was fun...for about 5 minutes. He sent me 25 text messages in an hour. To his credit, I replied about 3 times. It may have been seen as encouragement. I should have seen the warning flags of crazy, but I am a glutton for punishment. I want to see how bad these dates can get. By the time I'm leaving to meet him, he's texted me almost 100 times. Persistence is one thing, showing interest is another, but this one smelled a little too crazy. But, public place, free beer....like I was going to stay home. I get to the bar, and he doesn't look crazy...he's actually kind of cute. I am a sucker for a clean-shaven guy with dark eyes. We start to hit it off, and I suggest that he may be too addicted to texting. He laughs it off saying he's just bored at work and wanted to know me better. Playing to the ego is key...and it works. We decide to grab some dinner at a Thai place he loves, and that goes pretty well...good food, conversation continues, and he's a good tipper. At this point, I'm at a loss...I'm having a good time, but I don't really want to keep drinking. He suggests that we watch a movie...sounds good. But not at his house, he doesn't have a place to watch a movie, since he lives with his aunt, so can we watch at my place? I agree, but he wants to pick the movie up first...and grabs a stand up special. I love comedy, so this seems fine. He then drops me off at my car, which has been blocked in by the genius of the parking attendant, who has also forgotten to get the keys to move it...I have to wait about 10 minutes to get out. In the meantime, Crazy McGee has started driving in the direction of my house. He has no idea where he needs to go, but couldn't wait until I was able to lead. He calls me, lost, about 5 minutes after I get going, and refuses to wait for me to catch up. My frustration level has been reached, but I kinda want to watch the special. I eventually meet up with him and we go into my house, only to discover this is the WORST comedy special of all time. I mean, I know swearing happens...it can be used to point out a punchline or make a point. I swear, comedians swear, whatever. But when every sentence swears at least once, it ceases to be funny. To make the night less funny, in the middle of the special, Tomas turns to me and asks me what we're going to do. I'm not sure exactly what he means...I mean, I think I know...but...he can't, right? Wrong. I'm informed that if I am going to invite a guy back to my house (he invited himself) on the first date, I should really expect to put out, because that's what the guy will expect. I make it very clear that I have no intention of even looking at him anymore, much less touching him or doing anything...and he storms out of the house. Phew...got rid of him. Or not. Five minutes later, I get a text....When are we hanging out again? I ignore it. I turn on my computer later on...he's emailed me. And then my IM pops up...he's messaging me. I tell him in all three mediums that I am not interested and that I wish him luck...not to be outdone, he texts me....173 times over the next 2 days. There are some levels of crazy I just don't want to deal with.

Don't date a man named Josh-Natasha

Once again, I fell into the trap of dating a Josh. This is the 3rd Josh in 2 years, that turned out to be a schmuck.
Lets start at the beginning shall we... Jan 06- Josh 1 was a breath of fresh air (at least for a few month's) He seemed when I met him, to be what I was looking for, so I admit, I jumped in head first. The first night we met, we hung out until about 3 am, My friend Deb and I went to the local hang out, and played a few games of pool. Now I'm not the girl who has guys hitting on me everywhere I go, so I was kinda shocked when Josh and his friend Mike came up to us. We ended up hanging out all night Deb and Mike, fooling around in the kitchen and Josh playing guitar and just talking with me. It seemed like we had loads in common and it was really nice, to not feel like an object, we began to see each other regularly, which then turned into almost everyday.
After a few month's things kinda started to change, it almost seemed like he was trying to buy my affection and he became kinda shady when I had to leave and not sleep over (the whole responsibility thing, job, child) So one night he cooked me this fabulous dinner, and I was sitting in the living room listening to music and kinda relaxing in my food coma, mind you I was sitting on the couch, and I felt something jab into my back.... really tacky girls sunglasses.... wtf... I'm not the jealous type... but those def aren't mine... white fake knock off Gucci, please I may broke, but at least I have class... anyway... I didn't say anything, I just put them on the shelf of the bookcase, so he would have to see them (and most importantly know that I saw them), and wait for him to say something about it... 3 days (of course I was holding out in the relations dept, oh I have a headache, blah blah blah, he should've known because I think like a dude when it comes to sex... that something was def wrong) and nothing... so, I finally bring it up, and he has the audacity to tell me that, OUR friend Paula left them... Paula is not my friend, she is the town skank, but he tells me she was there with this guy bob she has been banging so I let it go (come to find out later... LIE... they banged)
So this is where it gets interesting.... we go away to Portsmouth for our anniversary "woo hoo 4 mos go us" I set up a sitter so we can stay over night, and we have a great time, we go to dinner at the Portsmouth Brewery, and go to play pool at a local dive bar. We end up hanging with another couple that were there, since neither one of us can keep our mouth shut, we become buds and end up partying at this couples house until 3am. Not smart, since I have tickets to opening day for the Red Sox in the morning... So the asshole gets all hammered and wouldn't wake up, I needed to leave the hotel by 9am, I finally get him out of there at 11am, I have to rush home, drop him off, pick up Kelly and be to Fenway by 2pm.... ha ha, how did I make it... I don't know I just did, only problem is, forgot my ID and my money... oops again, Kelly is pissed cuz she has to buy my hungover ass, some water so I don't pass out... I get home from the game, and tell him (who has been asleep all day) that I'm not coming over tonight, I'm going to crash early.... the bastard cheated on me that night with my friends sister.... needless to say that relationship was done... I swore that day I would never date a josh again... that lasted until...

Nov. 06 Josh 2- I met Josh online from this site called POF, we talked off and on for month's and then finally decided to hang out... he was really nice, and kinda cute in a goofy hippie kind of way... so we start hanging out... (even though he didn't even pay on the first date.... schmuck) Everything is going good for a bit and then him and his roommates decide to come up from Leominster and go to the bar Milly's to watch the pats playoff game, when the arrive they are already hammered and Josh, starts acting like a complete fool, throwing chairs, yelling at the waitress.... his roomies, start talking to chicks, so I play wingman, and tell the girls how great they are, you can tell I'm a salesperson, because I was lying though my teeth... the bar ends up closing right when the game ended so we decide to find somewhere else to go... only problem, one of the chicks has a fake ID, and her fake is the old ID of one of the others... NICE.... so we end up at this place called the red arrow... dive dinner, prob has roaches... I decided to make the best of it... that is until Josh picked a fight with one of the chicks and she smacked him... needless to say we needed to leave... Apparently, his roomate Jay wanted to stay with the chick and I got stuck driving them all home to Leominster on a work night... woo hoo go me, on the way home jay starts calling my phone... the girls car got trashed and she said Josh did it... in my mine it didn't seem possible because he was outside alone for about 2 mins tops... well I break up with him, because he drinks to much... go on a little bender myself and then think... hmm maybe I was to hard on him, so I give him another chance after he bombards me with endless phone calls, emails and mix tapes (well cd's, but same thing) We date again for a few weeks, and he starts getting all possessive... like trying to make sure no dudes talk to me when I try to go the bathroom at a concert... then even a few days later.... admitting to not only going through my phone but actually deleting numbers while I'm sleeping... needless to say... Josh #2 is down for the count.... (after the fact he admitting to completely destroying that girls wind shield... how the hell did his fat ass run that fast... geez)

This lead us to last week, there is this guy, lets call him Josh #3 that I've known for a few years... we have alot of friends in common and have talked at parties on occasion. Well, we are at someones bday party and he mentions that he doesn't want to leave yet, I know he recently moved, and when he says he only lives like 7 miles away, I tell him, I will drive him home if he wants to hang for longer... he is extremely gratefull... we end up leaving the party around 12 I drive him home, and on the way, I make my usually comment about "The only guys that ever hit on me are ethnic, 60 or married" and Josh says, "Why your gorgeous, I would hit on you if I thought it would get me anywhere" We end up talking for about 45 mins at his house, and when he gets out to leave... he kisses me... sweetly... I end up kissing him again, and we make plans for the next night... The next night I go and take care of some previous engagements, and meet up with him around 10ish, its hella hot so we sit outside, he plays guitar (again I'm a sucker for musicians) and we end up going swimming... by about 1, we decide to go "hangout" inside... I end up staying for awhile, but about 3, its too hot to sleep, so I decide to go home to my nice a/c'd house... he says that we should actually DO something tomorrow, like dinner or the beach, go on a real date... he didn't call, not sat, or sunday but had the balls to send me a text last night saying, "I can't go to the sox game on tues with you, because i'm going out of town for work and will not be back until the 20th" Ok, soooo DONE, you know that is a bold face lie, if he can't even pick up the fucking phone and say it... sending messages like that through text is completely lame... remember buddy, your the one who went after me, your the one who asked me to hang out sat, I would've been completely fine with the normal.. "Thanks for hanging, we should do it again sometime" Josh#3, don't bother calling when you get back from Maine, I will have already moved on, See ya around kid.... Have fun at your ex's this week... or should I say... "working"

Natasha's Intro

So... where do I begin... Lets start way back long long ago shall we... Once upon a time in the far away land of southern NH, there was a girl born who was a glutton for punishment. She fell in love with the prince, who turned into the ugliest nastiest toad ever... the girl finally wised up after 5 years and a almost non-existent engagement and left the toad, and this is where the dating story will begin.
When my friend Francesca told me she had started a blog, that I could access freely at work (at least for now) I knew I needed in on it. I've been single for a few years now... small 3-4 month realtionships along the way, but nothing worth holding on to... i'm the fore mentioned friend that had her sign up on a free dating site, only to realize myself that you need to kiss way too many a toads to eventully find a price. (sounds so cliche doesn't it)

Vanilla Man - Francesca

Well, this has been a full weekend. I really am impressed with how I was able to slip back into partying again. I was not, however, ready for how hard this hits me the next day. After the keg party, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was so tempted to break off the date I had last night...I was so tired. But I am determined to fully document the dating world for my generation. That, and I'm really too tired to cook, and this is a guaranteed meal. I'm meeting up with Mike...seems nice enough. I've met this one on that free dating site...so we shall see if it can beat out the winning experiences I've had meeting people in real life. I have talked with him over the phone, and he seems nice...a stable, mature guy who seems to have priorities in order. This is exactly what I'm looking for. While, I do enjoy having fun, I can't see myself going on more than one date with someone still in the college party mentality. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm not able to party like that anymore. I have a job, and I'm feeling old...much older now that I was up all last night, but...yeah. So, Mike, you sound like a good match...we both like music, and were able to talk for an hour earlier in the week.

So, nice guys do not always finish last. Nice guys with zero personality or ability to relate do. I mean, seriously. I haven't hidden who I am...an adventurous person that wants to have fun and experience new things. Apparently, I wasn't that clear with Mike. Okay, so maybe with my upcoming vacation to a metalfest weekend and the fact I've been partying a bit, I talked a little about drinking. But I talked about a lot of things. I had to, since he wasn't saying a word. I really tried to engage him...but to no avail. I mean, his love for music turned into him playing piano and not liking to go out to see shows. His adventurous side fell short...his response to most exciting thing you've done? "I visited South Carolina a few years ago." Now, I may only have been back on the dating scene for a week, but I know when there is absolutely nothing there. So I decide to make the most of it...I mean, I may as well have a good time, and I've realized that I have met another Captain Personality within 15 minutes of the date...just after we've ordered food, but before it has come to the table. So, until I have something to eat, I just drive the conversation...telling him stories of drunken binges, skydiving and bungy jumping weekends, crime sprees, swingers weekends...okay, so some of it wasn't true, but the look on his face was pretty funny. I don't think I've ever seen someone eat mediocre bar food as fast as he did. Unfortunately, I broke my golden rule of dating...I let him pick me up. Since I had no mode of transportation, I was forced to sit with him through the meal, and then have him drive me home. I had really nothing to say to him on the ride back, especially since I discovered he was a TERRIBLE tipper. I mean, seriously, you had a bad date. Don't punish the waitress with a 4 percent tip. That's uncalled for. Luckily, there's no traffic, and I arrive home about 15 minutes later. I do my best polite goodbye, and tell him to give me a call sometime, knowing he won't. But I'm too nice to be an ass. He drives off, and I go inside to collapse and pretend I didn't just waste my time tonight. I decide to check in on emails first, and as I'm replying to a friend, get an email from bad date dude. It reads: "It was nice meeting you, but I really don't think we're a good match. Have a nice life." Okay, so you want the credit for being the uninterested party? Fine...I'll give you that, as it's all you can take away from the date. Man, this is frustrating...the guys that are interesting and responsive are ones I can't see myself spending that much time with, and the potential nice guys are just entirely too vanilla. Another lesson learned-a mediocre date is sometimes worse than a bad date. There's nothing even that funny to be taken away from this one. Better luck next time, I guess.

Lifesavers - Francesca

In an attempt to further widen my dating experiences, I decided to go to a party with some friends. It was with a close friend, but there wouldn't be anyone else I'd know at the party. I'm a pretty outgoing person, so I thought it'd be fun. I hadn't been to a keg party since college, so it would be interesting for sure. The party started slow, and I ended up hanging out with my friend and not really talking to anyone else. As the night progressed, and I drank a bit more, everyone became a lot more social. I started talking to some fun new people, and found one guy in particular to be really fun. We were really clicking, just having fun, but then his girlfriend showed up. Oops...didn't know that. I kept circulating. Since I was the driver of the night, I ended up hanging by the fire and just talking to a few other people. One guy started to stand out to me...he was funny, and after further prodding, definitely not in a relationship. We talked for a long time, as everyone else competed in a beer pong tournament. I didn't realize how late it had gotten when the party was winding down...it was 5 a.m., and the sun was starting to come up. It hit me how tired I was, but I had to drive my now very inebriated friends home. Kevin, the guy I'd been talking to, wanted to keep hanging out. I just needed to crash for an hour or so before I could drive the hour plus back to my place. Unfortunately, my friends have unique living situations, either living with their parents and/or children, or have a lot of cats...so my choices were null. Kevin was nice, and said after I dropped off my friends, I could follow him to crash at his place. It sounded great, and he said after we woke up, we could go out for breakfast. After dropping my friends off, I followed him back to his place and was ready to crash. As soon as I laid down, Kevin decided he wanted to start fooling around. I wasn't really into it, and told him I just needed to sleep first, we could hang out later. He didn't seem to want to go to sleep just yet, and dropped his pants. Now, I'm not one to criticize a guy and his endowments, but, don't whip something out if you have nothing to work with. At first glance, I thought he was holding a roll of Lifesavers...but I quickly realized that he was taking care of business before going to bed...right in front of me. It's okay...I'll just pass out for an hour and be able to drive. I don't want to drive tired, and at this point, I am exhausted. I manage to curl up and doze off, and a couple minutes later, he passes out as well. My sleep is cut very short, as I realize Captain Personality snores so loud, the neighbors must complain. I can't handle it...I just book out of there, glad I realized so many flaws so quickly, and just cut my losses. So, I'm a little tired, but I can make it home. I stay awake laughing at the turn of events of the night, and wonder once more why people look at me weird for meeting people online. Seriously, meeting people in real life is way riskier.